Parody

Sure, they finally kissed, but was slaying physical conceptions of death, space, time, and god itself along the way worth it?

Local manager claims to "Still know how business is done"

It was an asteroid mining mission gone awry. 42 years ago, the Russian Space Program launched the spacecraft Vulka carrying 2 kosmonauts to the asteroid belt. The mission was to investigate the mining potential for precious metals and rare-earth materials and report back to Earth. Things began fine as the two kosmonauts managed to locate extraordinary amounts of data. After a slew of technical failures the mission went awry. Vulka stopped transmitting 31 years ago and the astronauts were presumed dead by the international community. The Russian Space program and NASA gave up on hope of ever collecting the data from the missions, or rescuing its' heroes. However with recent advancements in radiosonic technology, a signal was in fact picked up, and spurred an emergency NASA mission to rescue the stranded kosmonauts floating in the asteroid belt. Shacknews has statements from space pilot Dmitri Kuznetsov, the only surviving member of the mission. Mr. Sleepy, Amateur Gaming Journalist reports.