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Andromeda galaxy "full of hoes", claims Michigan man

DeAndre Demarcus-Rashad Jackson is an amateur astronomer from Ann Arbor, MI who, working jointly with the Cambridge Institute of Astronomy in a groundbreaking  experiment using "angular diffraction telescopy" and "spectral-isotropic particle detection" discovered something about the Milky Way's closest neighbor that may change everything about astronomy as we know it, and possibly our notions of the observable universe.

Triumph and horror: 42 years adrift in space, "Asteroids" pilot finally rescued by NASA

It was an asteroid mining mission gone awry. 42 years ago, the Russian Space Program launched the spacecraft Vulka carrying 2 kosmonauts to the asteroid belt. The mission was to investigate the mining potential for precious metals and rare-earth materials and report back to Earth. Things began fine as the two kosmonauts managed to locate extraordinary amounts of data. After a slew of technical failures the mission went awry. Vulka stopped transmitting 31 years ago and the astronauts were presumed dead by the international community. The Russian Space program and NASA gave up on hope of ever collecting the data from the missions, or rescuing its' heroes. However with recent advancements in radiosonic technology, a signal was in fact picked up, and spurred an emergency NASA mission to rescue the stranded kosmonauts floating in the asteroid belt. Shacknews has statements from space pilot Dmitri Kuznetsov, the only surviving member of the mission. Mr. Sleepy, Amateur Gaming Journalist reports.

Local raccoon finds copy of Cyberpunk 2077 in dumpster, reevaluates life

Raccoons, known for being medium-sized creatures belonging to the procyonid family of mammals  are known, like Rian Johnson fans, for enjoying unacceptable trash and never thinking twice about what they are consuming. But even some raccoons have limits. A local family in Philadelphia have adopted a raccoon with an interesting story. As usual, Shacknews has the exlusive.

"Princess Peach" voice actress regrets reinforcing gender stereotypes, cites pressure from Nintendo

Pamela Kaylee Brimmington, 42, of Detroit, MI , known as the voice actress behind Princess Peach of the hit video game series "The Mario Brothers" , created by Japanese man "Shigeru Miyamoto" has come out saying that she regrets her part in furthering stereotypical views of women, citing pressure by Nintendo to "sound more like a woman" during recording sessions. 

QAnon conspiracy creator "Q" reveals identity as SF3 character, "Q"

Qanon. The disproven far-right conspiracy theory, alleging that a cabal of satan-worshipping, cannibalistic pedophiles, in addition to, even worse, friends of movie director Rian Johnson, are running a global child-sex trafficking ring and plotted against former U.S. president Donald J Trump.  By this point we are all familiar with it. Controversy has sparked amongst believers of the wack-job theory, along with the strange people who enjoy Rian Johnson's movies, as a masked character from Capcom's 1997 coin-operated fighting video game has revealed himself to be the brains behind the operation. Mr. Sleepy reports on behalf of the gaming website Shacknews 

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