Well, well, well. The time has come for you to join the ranks of deleted Shackers. Fine, you can get the fuck out of here, but we have compiled some helpful tips to help you delete your account.
Let's be real
TFW an article from @theshantynews has more page views than all of Shacknews Chatty this weekend. pic.twitter.com/gSh8CpiNVp
— Productive Citizen ✌🏾💙🙏🏾👊🏾 (@technosucks) January 10, 2021
Briefcase Man recently tweeted out that a single Shantynews article actually created more pageviews last weekend than the entire Shacknews Chatty. That's right, we are the most important user now. We could easily whoop all of your asses on the Cortex Carnage Report leaderboard, but we were being nice.
That stops today. We are going to keep it 100 with you. Shacknews doesn't need you, and no one cares if you posted something stupid 16 years ago. Delete your account for all we care. No skin off of our back at all, but there is a classy way to do things.
Things to do before deleting your account
Quitting Shacknews cold turkey can be tough. Here are a few tips for things to do before you delete your account:
- Post some more embarassing shit
- You have already shown your ass, go full Kardashian before you peace out
- Cancel your Mercury subscription
- You will keep getting charged for a sub on a deleted account becuase Shacknews is broke and the website is basically held together with duct tape
- Blame the mods
- Shackmods love being blamed for your bullshit
- Especially dognose
- Shackmods love being blamed for your bullshit
- Message Briefcase Man demanding that he delete your account
- He loves getting Shackmessages about this, especially since he created a way for you jackasses to do it yourself
- You could also send him Twitter DMs late at night
- He loves that
- Post some really dumb political or classist takes in the Trump Dump
- Nothing better than watching some rich asshole shove his foot in his mouth on the Shacknews Chatty
- Maybe you can post about how All Lives Matter
- Or a both sides argument
- We are sure you will find a way to embarass yourself, but these are just some suggestions from past douchebag deleted accounts
- Or a both sides argument
- Doxx yourself
- Nothing funnier than when a Shacker reveals their actual identity on here
- Go ham with personal attacks and threadshits
- You are leaving anyway, so clearly you don't care anymore
- All of these Chatty threads are shit, so let everyone know one more time before you go
- Never let your conscience outweigh your privilege
- Don't to forget to attack the Shacknews editorial team before you go
- You are leaving anyway, so clearly you don't care anymore
- Don't leave without saying goodbye
- True drama queens make a big stink about it when they leave
- We call it going full Wikus around here
- AKA deleted.png
- We call it going full Wikus around here
- True drama queens make a big stink about it when they leave
- Check your Shackmessages before you leave
- You might have won a Shackmas giveaway from Briefcase man
- Don't re-register the same Shackname
- If you are going to delete, you should lose your account name and all those sweet Cortex points
- Don't be that guy
- If you are going to delete, you should lose your account name and all those sweet Cortex points
- Delete your Cortex articles
- The current delete account function doesn't delete Cortex articles, so be sure to go through and delete your posts on here before you leave for good
- Actually leave
- So many Shackers delete their accounts and just come right back
- If you hate this place enough to delete your account, why are you coming right back?
- The least you could do is lurk like a normal person
- You all make us sick
- Get out of my office!
- You all make us sick
- The least you could do is lurk like a normal person
- If you hate this place enough to delete your account, why are you coming right back?
- So many Shackers delete their accounts and just come right back
How to delete your Shacknews account
It's time for the main event. If you have done everything we listed above, you are totally ready to delete your account.
- Head to the user settings page and click on the Account Settings tab
- Click the Delete Account subtab
- Type DELETE into the field above the Delete Account button
- Click Delete Account
- That's it, you are free!
- All of your Shacknews posts are gone, and your Cortex points go back to the source, kinda like Neo in the Matrix, except you are a total douchebag for leaving and we hate you
- But we also won't miss you
- Bye Felicia
- But we also won't miss you
- All of your Shacknews posts are gone, and your Cortex points go back to the source, kinda like Neo in the Matrix, except you are a total douchebag for leaving and we hate you
Well, that about wraps up this guide on how to delete your account here on Shacknews. We realize that some people are worried about the storied history of this place, but we could care less about you. This is the new era of Shantynews. All your LOLs are belong to us. Delete away, Shackers, and kneel before your one true Chatty God.
- posted by A10 Haiku Van Der Merwe plantation242ZBAsh
