How to delete your Shacknews account

How to delete your Shacknews account

Inquiring minds want to know how to delete their Shacknews account, and we have just the guide for your punk asses.

Shantynews

Well, well, well. The time has come for you to join the ranks of deleted Shackers. Fine, you can get the fuck out of here, but we have compiled some helpful tips to help you delete your account. 

This is where you get the fuck out.


Let's be real

Briefcase Man recently tweeted out that a single Shantynews article actually created more pageviews last weekend than the entire Shacknews Chatty. That's right, we are the most important user now. We could easily whoop all of your asses on the Cortex Carnage Report leaderboard, but we were being nice.

That stops today. We are going to keep it 100 with you. Shacknews doesn't need you, and no one cares if you posted something stupid 16 years ago. Delete your account for all we care. No skin off of our back at all, but there is a classy way to do things. 


Things to do before deleting your account

Quitting Shacking is not easy.

Quitting Shacknews cold turkey can be tough. Here are a few tips for things to do before you delete your account:

  • Post some more embarassing shit
    • You have already shown your ass, go full Kardashian before you peace out
  • Cancel your Mercury subscription
    • You will keep getting charged for a sub on a deleted account becuase Shacknews is broke and the website is basically held together with duct tape
  • Blame the mods
    • Shackmods love being blamed for your bullshit
      • Especially dognose
  • Message Briefcase Man demanding that he delete your account
    • He loves getting Shackmessages about this, especially since he created a way for you jackasses to do it yourself
    • You could also send him Twitter DMs late at night
      • He loves that
  • Post some really dumb political or classist takes in the Trump Dump
    • Nothing better than watching some rich asshole shove his foot in his mouth on the Shacknews Chatty
    • Maybe you can post about how All Lives Matter
      • Or a both sides argument
        • We are sure you will find a way to embarass yourself, but these are just some suggestions from past douchebag deleted accounts
  • Doxx yourself
    • Nothing funnier than when a Shacker reveals their actual identity on here
  • Go ham with personal attacks and threadshits
    • You are leaving anyway, so clearly you don't care anymore
      • All of these Chatty threads are shit, so let everyone know one more time before you go
    • Never let your conscience outweigh your privilege
    • Don't to forget to attack the Shacknews editorial team before you go
  • Don't leave without saying goodbye
    • True drama queens make a big stink about it when they leave
      • We call it going full Wikus around here
        • AKA deleted.png
  • Check your Shackmessages before you leave
    • You might have won a Shackmas giveaway from Briefcase man
  • Don't re-register the same Shackname
    • If you are going to delete, you should lose your account name and all those sweet Cortex points
      • Don't be that guy
  • Delete your Cortex articles
    • The current delete account function doesn't delete Cortex articles, so be sure to go through and delete your posts on here before you leave for good
  • Actually leave
    • So many Shackers delete their accounts and just come right back
      • If you hate this place enough to delete your account, why are you coming right back?
        • The least you could do is lurk like a normal person
          • You all make us sick
            • Get out of my office!

How to delete your Shacknews account

The Shacknews Delete function menu.

It's time for the main event. If you have done everything we listed above, you are totally ready to delete your account.

  • Head to the user settings page and click on the Account Settings tab
    1. Click the Delete Account subtab
    2. Type DELETE into the field above the Delete Account button
    3. Click Delete Account
    4. That's it, you are free!
      • All of your Shacknews posts are gone, and your Cortex points go back to the source, kinda like Neo in the Matrix, except you are a total douchebag for leaving and we hate you
        • But we also won't miss you
          • Bye Felicia

Well, that about wraps up this guide on how to delete your account here on Shacknews. We realize that some people are worried about the storied history of this place, but we could care less about you. This is the new era of Shantynews. All your LOLs are belong to us. Delete away, Shackers, and kneel before your one true Chatty God.

- posted by A10 Haiku Van Der Merwe plantation242ZBAsh

From The Chatty
  • reply
    January 14, 2021 9:47 AM

    Seems like a good time for us to post this guide.

    Read more: How to delete your Shacknews account

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 9:55 AM

      This thread is shit and all posts are shit. (this is how we do this?)

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 9:56 AM

      Hahahah "Check your Shackmessages before you go"!
      Also I just bought a new roll of duct tape!

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 10:00 AM

      You might have won a Shackmas giveaway from Briefcase man

      Please briefcase man, confirm that this actually happened!

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 10:02 AM

        I am still waiting on a Shacker who won a Switch Lite last year to reply to my Shackmessage.

        • reply
          January 14, 2021 10:05 AM

          Time to select a new winner.

        • reply
          January 14, 2021 10:10 AM

          Oh shit sorry, I missed that. I'l DM you my address.

        • reply
          January 14, 2021 3:58 PM

          Classic shacknews.com white elephant

          • reply
            January 14, 2021 4:14 PM

            Still waiting for mine 😡

            • reply
              January 14, 2021 4:25 PM

              I really wish I knew who my white elephant was that I screwed over so I could send them some chuckie cheese coupons or something :(

              • reply
                January 14, 2021 4:36 PM

                I looked it up and can name and shame but feel like 8 years is beyond the statue of limitations for white elephant snubbing. Dude hasn’t posted in a year

        • DM7 legacy 10 years
          reply
          January 14, 2021 4:50 PM

          I was one of those, but it only took me like two weeks to reply. :P

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 10:03 AM

      Thank you for not forgetting to shit on the editorial team. The only thing worse than being shit on is being left out.

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 10:11 AM

        Hmmm. And we have a three day weekend coming up here...

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 10:13 AM

        Shantynews is a monkey throwing poop, but in a thorough and methodical manner.

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 10:17 AM

      [deleted]

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 2:31 PM

      Mods should post actual Shackmessages received, on April Fool Day

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 2:48 PM

      "We call it going full Wikus around here"

      do you know how badly you've upset him with this? and he can't even reply

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 2:49 PM

      meowwwww

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 2:56 PM

      [deleted]

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 3:17 PM

      Undelete TraptNSuit!

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 3:19 PM

      [deleted]

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 3:20 PM

      For real though there's no way to delete all your posts, right? Even if you delete your account your posts are still there?

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 3:22 PM

        [deleted]

        • reply
          January 14, 2021 3:23 PM

          I feel like I looked up an old thread and all my posts were still there with my name attached to them....

          • reply
            January 14, 2021 3:23 PM

            [deleted]

            • reply
              January 14, 2021 3:24 PM

              Ya

              • reply
                January 14, 2021 3:27 PM

                [deleted]

                • reply
                  January 14, 2021 3:29 PM

                  Cool, yeah, I think it worked as I was hoping then, which is basically the same way nuking your reddit comment history does other than the search quirk.

                  • reply
                    January 14, 2021 3:30 PM

                    [deleted]

                    • reply
                      January 14, 2021 3:32 PM

                      It'd be nice, but I'm not sure I've pissed anyone off THAT much that they'd go through all the work to doxx me that way haha. But maybe...

                • reply
                  January 14, 2021 3:31 PM

                  I still love the idea that anyone thinks their shacknews video game posts are so scandalous they have to be deleted for fear of their spouse finding the post where they said I LOVE TO JERK IT WHILE CHUN LI DOES THE SPINNING SIDE KICK

                  • reply
                    January 14, 2021 3:35 PM

                    My spouse uses shacknews, so it's not that for me. It's more that this username is my username across a lot of platforms so it might as well be my real name if a coworker/friend/family finds out what it is.

                    • reply
                      January 14, 2021 3:42 PM

                      Ok but you’re still using it - doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 3:44 PM

                        [deleted]

                        • reply
                          January 14, 2021 3:50 PM

                          Yeah, this. I've been nuking my reddit comments every 6 months or so for a long time. It's easier than modding from a different username.

                          • reply
                            January 14, 2021 3:58 PM

                            I guess that works.

                            • reply
                              January 14, 2021 4:00 PM

                              Sup future family I never deleted shit! Hope you’re doing well in the apocalyptic global-warming wasteland! \m/ Wooooo Meg9 for lyfe!

                              • reply
                                January 14, 2021 4:33 PM

                                Never Delete! Never Surrender! Stand In Unity! Our Progeny Will Remember Our Cock & LoL!

                                • reply
                                  January 14, 2021 4:41 PM

                                  I understood that reference 😊

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 3:46 PM

                        I might be misunderstanding, but they already know the username, so the purpose is to not have anything interesting in my post history associated with the username, that makes sense I think?

                  • reply
                    January 14, 2021 3:43 PM

                    [deleted]

                  • reply
                    January 14, 2021 3:48 PM

                    I've been on this site since I was 16. I've said some really dumb, angry, and, in my current opinion, fucked up shit on here that I'm ashamed of. I've grown from it and the responses to it, which is part of what made me love this community.

                    That also means though that it for some reason this account was linked to me now and a person chose to use that shit against me they definitely could and I think I'd deserve it, even with the growth.

                    Not really sure why I haven't deleted my account at this point.

                    • reply
                      January 14, 2021 4:19 PM

                      [deleted]

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 4:19 PM

                        I mean sometimes when you post the corner of my mouth itches a bit so you got that going for you.

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 4:22 PM

                        I know that feel bro

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 4:24 PM

                        I love those selfie threads you post every Saturday

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 4:28 PM

                        [deleted]

                        • reply
                          January 14, 2021 4:34 PM

                          I have jail 3rd in the jingle story power rankings behind girlfriend falling through the door and stinky pussy smell

                          • reply
                            January 14, 2021 4:41 PM

                            [deleted]

                            • reply
                              January 14, 2021 4:44 PM

                              Awww I want in on these zoom calls!

                              • reply
                                January 14, 2021 4:45 PM

                                Tell me a story, jingle

                                • reply
                                  January 14, 2021 5:11 PM

                                  [deleted]

                                  • reply
                                    January 14, 2021 5:17 PM

                                    If you had ended that with "And that's my story about meeting David Perdue when he was running for election" that could have been a Hunter S. Thompson piece. I mentioned it ages ago to you but I really do think you should write down all your stories and massage them into a book of some sort. You definitely have the skills.

                                  • reply
                                    January 14, 2021 5:21 PM

                                    Jesus Christ!

                                    That was an awesome bedtime story 🥰 Now I can sleep.

                        • reply
                          January 14, 2021 4:43 PM

                          Everyone’s life has something unbelievable about it.

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 4:38 PM

                        I love your painting threads.

                  • reply
                    January 14, 2021 3:48 PM

                    [deleted]

                    • reply
                      January 14, 2021 3:56 PM

                      [deleted]

                      • reply
                        January 14, 2021 5:27 PM

                        The vast majority of my posts are deleted before posting for many reasons, but that's one of them.

                        "Is this going to be a post that starts a big subthread that I don't have the emotional energy for? And probably causes me to get a reputation with someone? Better to just not post it, I don't want to have to reply again anyway." [Ctrl] [A] [Delete].

                        Hell I already deleted an earlier version of this where I went into a few reasons beyond that above, all of which were about me, and... no. Nope. Just not worth it. At least not when it's in proverbial ink. :/

                    • reply
                      January 14, 2021 4:04 PM

                      What's this about the FBI?!

              • reply
                January 14, 2021 3:38 PM

                the search result and the preview in the search is there, but if you click the thread it's gone. Longer posts with exposition will not be complete.

        • reply
          January 14, 2021 3:27 PM

          Oh hm looks like it did work, maybe I just saw the search preview and assumed.

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 3:37 PM

      I am lost on why this was posted anyone clue me in

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 3:41 PM

      STOP ALL THE DELETIN'

      GI JOEEEEEEEeeeeee

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 3:43 PM

        DONT STOP
        DELETIN
        HOLD ONTO THAT
        FEEEEEELIN

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 3:43 PM

      more like this.

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 4:07 PM

      [deleted] 762926381: Is this attacking me?

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 4:09 PM

      Good use of bullet points. It looks very profesh.

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 4:09 PM

      hah, what's the "rich asshole put his foot in his mouth" bullet point referring to?

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 4:12 PM

        Can’t reply without hitting post size limit

      • reply
        January 14, 2021 4:35 PM

        I forget his name but one example would be that guy that promised everyone who he gave a job to a free Tesla?

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 4:10 PM

      [deleted]

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 4:25 PM

      MODS?????

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 5:30 PM

      "The least you could do is lurk like a normal person"

      LOL PAGE I CAN'T QUIT YOU

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 6:00 PM

      Type DELETE into the field about above the Delete Account button

    • reply
      January 14, 2021 7:20 PM

      everyone i show the chatty to says it's dumb and doesnt read it.

      i am perma-safe

    • reply
      January 15, 2021 3:52 AM

      r/shacknews

      Is full of ex and banned shackers. Sort of on topic, and I’ve been wanting to bring it up for a while so here goes. I often pop over there because I’m nosey, and generally quite oblivious to a lot of the personal drama going on here. Jesus it’s grim there, like extreme 😭 grim. There is a lot of recriminations about things I can’t fathom.

      But one person sticks out. Who is fuckwisp? His identity seems to be an open secret, but a mystery to me. I think he is a current shacker, and from as far as I can tell seems to hate everyone with a livid fury. He seems to get a lot of pleasure out of being enormously shitty to almost everyone on there, as if he has pent up hatred for everyone here. Seems unhealthy.

      Like I said, I have no skin in the game, I’m just nosey and find it fascinating that this kind of thing is boiling away under the surface.

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