Stormy Daniels says President Trump's junk resembles "mushroom character in Mario Kart"

The adult actress described the president's private parts in her tell-all book. Apparently it's not a Bowser in his trousers.

AP
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The United States of America finds itself in very interesting times. In a tell-all book about her relationship with President Donald Trump, adult star Stormy Daniels used some very colorful language to describe the president's private parts. She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels continued. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool." Daniels chose one of the most adorable characters in the history of video games to aid in her vivid description.

via GIPHY

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart..." Daniels' book Full Disclosure was obtained by The Guardian, who broke this disturbing story for fans of Mario Kart.

We can be sure that the president will have something to say about this on Twitter, but in the meantime America could probably use a long shower or a cup of Ovaltine. We can only hope to erase this image from our memories before playing one of the iconic, family-friendly Mario video games again. 

CEO

Asif Khan is the CEO and majority shareholder of Shacknews. He began his career in video game journalism as a freelancer in 2001 for Tendobox.com. Asif is a CPA and was formerly an investment adviser representative. After much success in his own personal investments, he retired from his day job in financial services and is currently focused on new private investments. His favorite PC game of all time is Duke Nukem 3D, and he is an unapologetic fan of most things Nintendo. Asif first frequented the Shack when it was sCary's Shugashack to find all things Quake. When he is not immersed in investments or gaming he is a purveyor of fine electronic music. Asif also has an irrational love of Cleveland sports.

From The Chatty

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 6:21 AM

      Asif did you really need to make this an official Shacknews article, lol

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 6:32 AM

      Lol video game related!

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 6:41 AM

      Yeah... I’m going to be that guy and say that even though I find this article humorous it demonstrates immaturity in regards to the Shacknews writing staff.

      I’m not trying to go all Trapt wet blanket here and I know very well that I am inviting a long overdue Shackpile but it just strikes me as odd and unexpected that you would resort to such tactics to draw in visitors. This is the kind of shit thread that I would pollute the chatty with. You need to rise above me (which should be no problem).

      It’s also upsetting that you would dip your toes in political news with such a dumb topic. If you want the site to go political, which is perfectly fine (though not my preference), I would rather you focus on more serious issues relating to both politics and games.

      All that being said, fuck Trump and fuck his mushroom dick.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 7:14 AM

        the entire chatty is a political stomping ground.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 7:18 AM

        Google "Mario Kart" right now. It's everywhere.

        Not saying it should be but it is and I can't really blame shacknews for following suit.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:01 PM

        Lighten up

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:06 PM

        Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:11 PM

        Maybe the site failed to hold the e3 bump in visitors and Asif is now in dgaf mode.

        I look at the chatty and I only see the same people posting links to twitter or reddit.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:19 PM

        I am going to be that guy and say that there are plenty of other websites for you to get your gaming news. You have a problem with how I am running this place? Here are two very popular websites you should read instead.

        https://kotaku.com/stormy-daniels-says-donald-trump-has-a-dick-like-the-m-1829130895

        https://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2018-09-18-nintendo-fans-react-in-dismay-after-trump-toad-comparison

        I am sure they have communities who will welcome you with open arms.

        • reply
          September 18, 2018 3:25 PM

          https://i.imgur.com/7lZwLKc.jpg

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          September 18, 2018 3:31 PM

          Was going to post a ton of videogame sites or sites that dip their toes into videogame news that ran the story but you beat me to it...but still:

          https://theslot.jezebel.com/report-president-has-mushroom-dick-1829132912

          I got your back Asif.

        • reply
          September 18, 2018 3:36 PM

          Damn, Eurogamer has been going down the toilet fast lately!

        • reply
          September 18, 2018 4:26 PM

          Dude I only posted my honest opinions. I've been a member of this community for over a decade now and I don't plan on going anywhere. If I didn't think you were receptive to feedback I wouldn't have even bothered. And to your point just because other mainstream gaming outlets run with the story doesn't mean you have to as well. It really doesn't diminish the point that I was making.

          Instead of replying to me with an invitation to go somewhere else you could have engaged me like an adult. You chose to be a baby. It's a shame but you do you man.

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 4:42 PM

            Dude what are you doing. jfc

            • reply
              September 18, 2018 4:45 PM

              What? I'm not trying to start a thing. That was going to be my last post on the matter.

              • reply
                September 18, 2018 4:54 PM

                Here's what I don't get about criticizing articles in the chatty...

                You do realize that these front page articles are what drives people to this site through SEO, advertising, etc. Right?
                You do realize that by shitting on these articles, you're actively harming the potential userbase that *might* come in and read the comments, right?
                And by doing that, you do realize that shitting on these articles could have direct revenue impact on this site, where you like to post 500 times per day, just so you can keep it real and give your feedback?

                I mean, dude. Listen - if you disagree with an article, direct message someone about it. But shitting on an article in the chatty that is clearly there to drive people to the site is not only stupid but it's part of what is leading to the destruction of the chatty. Less money = no chatty eventually. Can we all agree that's bad?

                • reply
                  September 18, 2018 4:59 PM

                  I'm sorry, I didn't realize I needed to consider the bad press when voicing my opinions in a thread. In the future I will confine my constructive criticism to SMs where others cannot provide their own input (whether they agree or disagree with me).

                  Seriously virus, would you be saying all this if you agreed with me? Be honest.

                  If I'm trying to invite a discussion on the matter I would hope that the site owner would respond in kind. The whole post was my opinion. Maybe it's not a popular one but it's my opinion nonetheless. Instead it was taken personally and I called him out for it. I figured on this site where I post 500 times per day my opinion might at the very least be acknowledged.

                  Sorry I tried to swim against the current.

                  • reply
                    September 18, 2018 5:16 PM

                    It's fine, I don't agree with you but people wouldn't react the way they did if you didn't have a grain of truth in there. Just don't get all woe is me about someone snapping at you a bit.

                    • reply
                      September 18, 2018 5:18 PM

                      You are right about that last part. TMWTB, I apologize for calling you a baby (seriously). That was a cheap shot on my part. Please still come to my birthday party.

                • reply
                  September 18, 2018 8:41 PM

                  TIL the comments section for an article is an inappropriate setting to voice criticism of said article.

            • reply
              September 18, 2018 4:47 PM

              He's

              *puts on sunglasses*

              doing it for Shacknews.

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 5:09 PM

            What website have you been visiting for the last 10 plus years?

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 5:38 PM

            NOW LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 6:34 PM

            Tranquilo Grolar... I'm willing to listen to what how other "mature" gaming sites are handling this serious biznass story.

            • reply
              September 18, 2018 6:44 PM

              If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it?

              • reply
                September 18, 2018 6:47 PM

                Yes

              • reply
                September 18, 2018 6:48 PM

                If I entered a bridge jumping contest, it would be expected of me. Of course I would handle said bridge jumping with the tact and maturity that only I could bring to the table or bridge or fuck it, it's a stupid story about that Orange Asshole's junk. Shacknews did its newsing as best it could and now we're back.

                • reply
                  September 18, 2018 6:50 PM

                  This is not my personal crusade. You're more triggered by my posts than I am by this thread, I can promise you that.

                  • reply
                    September 18, 2018 6:54 PM

                    No I think you are more triggered than I am of course I don't think there are prizes for who is more triggered. So why does that matter?

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 6:48 PM

            He chose to be a baby? How, he said I'm not budging, deal or displace. That's adult AF, what you want hugs and kisses?

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 7:33 PM

            What he communicated to you, in a pretty clear way IMO, wasn't that you should actually consider leaving. It was that this type of story is completely normal for the industry and isn't some immature Shacknews publicity stunt.

            And honestly, this story is worth a headline and discussion thread on gaming news sites. It's an extremely high profile story that is bringing a video game character into the mainstream press for a dumb and hilarious reason meant to attack a sitting president.

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 9:14 PM

            You could try to make a joke instead of being super-serious about penises?

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:23 PM

        Naw, it may not be the most mature, but it's certainly topical. And given the videogame reference, it's within the Shacknews wheelhouse.

        • reply
          September 18, 2018 4:31 PM

          Different strokes for different folks. If I'm alone in on this then it's perfectly fine. I just thought with recent trends like abandoning "It gets you chicks" and whatever that lamp reference was that it was worth mentioning.

          Thanks for the lol above btw

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 5:26 PM

            That's fine, and we're free to provide our feedback too. IMHO it's a silly article, but that doesn't mean it's bad or that TMWTB shouldn't have posted it. Like I said, it's in the right wheelhouse.

            And thanks for the chuckle provided by calling TMWTB a baby btw

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:37 PM

        The shack has never and, hopefully will never be, some hoity toity ultra mature stick fully up our asses video game site. It upsets me that people keep showing up wanting it to be that when there are other sites out there that are that. For fuck's sake, look at the comments, the stories, and all the rest of the content. The shack was even originally called "The shugashack."

        As far as serious issues regarding games, I've seen them featured here but the shack is probably never going to go full on kotaku(the click baity OMG boobies!" articles) or polygon(it's time for an in depth look at games articles).

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:38 PM

        You have read the other articles on the front page, yea?

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:45 PM

        Lol

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:52 PM

        Agreed, I don't think it belongs here. I'm no Trump fan, but I get plenty of Trump news on the nightly news.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 4:18 PM

        I was writing up a long post to say I agree and not even Kotaku posted this, but then I saw that Kotaku did post this. So now IDK. Don't blame you for wanting better writing, though.

        • reply
          September 18, 2018 4:22 PM

          I am pleasantly surprised at the large quantity of replies received in only the last few hours. I checked this afternoon and was disappointed at only a handful of people replying and NONE of them called me out. >:(

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 4:23 PM

            This was a misreply (meant for kainen up above) but I gift it to you BlackCat

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 4:44 PM

        But it has Toad in it and we have a lot Nintender fans here, particularly the guy that runs the site. It is video game related and not your usual type of news but it's hilarious to boot.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 4:48 PM

        I agree. It's dumb.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 5:04 PM

        Agreed.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 6:52 PM

        Going with odd, not a fan of the response either :(

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 8:36 PM

        shacknews posters are the worst

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 10:05 PM

        There's a Mario Kart reference. It's video game related.

        https://youtu.be/JfzRO5Eidqs

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 6:41 AM

      jesus fucking christ, stop this click bait shit!

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 6:47 AM

      CONTEXT ACHIEVED

      post those wieners, boys

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:20 AM

      fuckin lol

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:24 AM

      mods mark with all post tags plz.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:52 AM

      BUT MY GAMING WEBSITE

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:54 AM

      Ahahaha! Amazing! The SEO on this will be astounding.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 3:21 PM

        Yeah I think the sad fact is the “will I be killed by a sex robot?” article is responsible for a whole lot of the sudden uptick in traffic.

        As much as some of loathe the clickbaity type stuff, it pays the bills.

        • reply
          September 18, 2018 3:35 PM

          That is simply untrue. Our traffic comes mainly from our amazing guides for video games.

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 3:40 PM

            My bad, I thought you had stated something like that in the past. I guess I’m misremembering/imagining something.

            • reply
              September 18, 2018 3:43 PM

              News articles have very short tails traffic-wise. We do these to be a part of the daily news discussion. Guides are what keeps us going. News keeps us relevant and in Google News. It is a balance of what we put our effort towards. I wrote this article so my staff wouldn’t have to. I don’t get paid, so whatever I contribute to the site is gravy.

              • reply
                September 18, 2018 3:52 PM

                Plus then you get to use filenames like trump-pee-pee_feature.jpg

                I saved that gem to my hard drive for the next time a political discussion erupts on my work Slack Teams.

              • reply
                September 18, 2018 6:54 PM

                I honestly thought Crabs would have volunteered

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 5:39 PM

            they are wholly amazing, yes - i seek them out specifically if i'm googling for game guides of any kind :D

          • reply
            September 18, 2018 9:01 PM

            When Dad of War came out and I got a bit lost, I searched for a guide and Shacknews was one of the top links.

            Not only that, but the guide was really well done and I was hella impressed, as the kids say. Cheers for all the good work you and your team are doing.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:59 AM

      I feel like regardless of how bad a president the guy is, I don’t want to know anything about his penis.

      • reply
        September 18, 2018 8:06 AM

        I don't want to know about his penis even if he's AWESOME.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 8:09 AM

      So what are we gonna call him? President Mushroom Dick? President Toaststool Dick?

      The possibilities are endless

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 8:11 AM

      Get those clicks, son! ;D

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 8:11 AM

      You just know Nintendo has been having meetings all day trying to decide what, if anything, they need to do about this.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 8:15 AM

      trump-pee-pee_feature.jpg

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 3:14 PM

      Oh-kay!

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 3:31 PM

      Came here for the games, stayed for the weird penises

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 4:25 PM

      Spicy Shacknews is awesome.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 4:32 PM

      calling him a "mushroom character" is disrespectful. his name is "toad" and he is a royal steward of princess peach

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 4:47 PM

      I'm reminded of https://youtu.be/0jfU7pw76ZE?t=140

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 5:24 PM

      Imagine if Trump was running against himself. "Toadstool Donnie, I mean he's a little less than average, not bad I guess. I mean less than average might be your thing, but for the President, it's not what you're looking for"

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 6:20 PM

      BREAKING: an audio recording of Trump and Stormy having sex has been released

      https://twitter.com/adamjmoussa/status/1042058377252225025

      Stolen from alphablu http://www.shacknews.com/chatty?id=37898457

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:15 PM

      I’m going to miss 2018.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:21 PM

      And this is why we are always warned not to eat small red mushrooms with leprous white spots.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 7:38 PM

      I'm extremely proud of you and this website.

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 9:12 PM

      IDGI, why was she freaked out, aren't dickheads supposed to look like a mushroom head?

      • reply
        September 20, 2018 11:12 AM

        "Bell end" seems like a more apt description

    • reply
      September 18, 2018 11:32 PM

      I'm still waiting for Trump to tweet "Shacknews more like Fakenews, amirite. Sad!".