Exclusive CDPR Interview with Antoni Szymon: “We have no idea how to fix or improve any aspect of CP

Exclusive CDPR Interview with Antoni Szymon: “We have no idea how to fix or improve any aspect of CP

The troubled release of last year's highly anticipated science fiction thriller video game "Cyberpunk 2077" has become a thing of controversy. Not since the Boston Tea Party have so many unmarried white men been so collectively angry about pretty much nothing. Just recently Shacknews reporter Mr. Sleepy was granted a rare interview with a key CDPR developer who is finally speaking out one month after the chaotic release. Get the inside scoop here, on Shacknews dot Com: and make sure you subscribe to Mercury. 


Sleepy: Hey, Antoni. First of all, I want to thank you for agreeing to do this interview. Times must be hard right now with everything going in the world abroad and the world in the office. Where's your mind at?

"Fuck. I don't know, man. Just this morning, I ate 40ounces of leftover Kielbasa I had in my refrigerator.You  are, eh, familiar with this cuisine?" 

Sleepy: I've never eaten Kielbasa, no.

"Kielbasa, man. Good shit. I still have some left. Do you want some" 

Sleepy: No, not really.

"Suit yourself."

Sleepy: Ok. So what happened with Cyberpunk? Where are you guys at now?

"Yeah well anyway, yeah things at the office are a bit hectic right now. We are trying to figure out how the fuck the Switch version of CP2077 got uploaded to Sony's PS4 servers. And how people managed to even download it and run it is a miracle in and of itself. That's the biggest task right now. No one has taken responsibility for it. We've been lying to Sony for over a month, avoiding the legal ramifications of uploading uncertified apps from a competing platform. Big trouble, no good."

Sleepy: That's very interesting, Antoni. Do I understand correctly that the version uploaded to Sony's PS4 servers was in fact the Nintendo Switch version?

"Of course it was! LOOK at it! Why do you think it runs and looks like such dog shit! That version was heavily optimized to run on the Switch. We never finished it. We got pretty close,though. And then we accidentally uploaded it to Sony's servers for ps4. " 

Sleepy: I find that very hard to believe. CDPR had never formally announced that a Switch port was even in development. 

"Believe it, my brotha."

Sleepy: Can you not call me that? 

"Oh, sorry. Forgive me, but I thought American black guys call each other that? 

Sleepy: Are you an American black guy?

"Well, no, but In Poland, we party like black people. What do you think we have been doing for 10 years? Making video games? You feel me, Jive Rooster? We drop it like its hot "

Sleepy: Turkey.

"I am from the Polish countryside, very far from Turkey."

Sleepy: No, it's "Jive Turkey", not "Jive Rooster". No one says that anymore anyway. I don't want to hang out with you.  

"Suit yourself my comrade. Anyway yeah, CP2077 is fucked. I served a lead design role in the game and I have not touched it in 4 years. I don't really care about it anymore. You should come to Poland, Mr. Sleepy.  i could show you a good time. In Poland we get very serious when it comes to partying , my guy . "

Sleepy: I told you I don't want to hang out with you.

"Suit yourself my guy" 

Sleepy: If the version that was uploaded to the PS4 store was the switch version, what happened to the actual PS4 SKU and why not just upload that one instead?

"Because it's not done. We never finished it. We had all of these government subsidies and spent virtually all of it on other shit."

Sleepy: "Other shit", like what, specifically? 

"Mostly hosting Kielbasa cook offs. We spent all of the money on Polish sausage.  Millions and millions of dollars cultivating the finest pork, beef, veal sausage and organizing unbelievable huge events with celebrities and chefs. SO many different styles of Kielbasa. Like Krakowska, which is a thick, straight hot-smoked type with garlic and pepper. "Wiejska" veal sausage with marjoram and garlic, very much so a country staple. 100% of the money we have made since "release" has been spent on more Polish sausage. 

Sleepy: Are you serious?

"Yup have you ever had Kabanos? It is a thin, air-dried sausage flavored with caraway seed, originally made with Pork. But you can use the same technique with Beef. There's also Weselna, "wedding sausage" ,very very very Polish."

Sleepy: I think we're getting off-topic, Antoni... 

"Are you mad at me about the black thing"

Sleepy: Not really? But..

..."Then I have a suggestion for you. So we seriously need some black talent here. You should come work for us, we are rebranding the whole company to "CDPB". 

Sleepy: What is "CDPB?" 

"CD Project Black"

Sleepy: I knew it. 

"Because we are releasing 30 days late get it haahahhahahahahahahah"

Sleepy: Jesus Christ, man. 

"I'm just fucking with you comrade. I am telling you;  Once the EU lifts the travel restrictions and Americans can enter, you need to come here and fucking party with us my caramel comrade. You can try all of our finest Polish Sausages here: Mysliwska, Old Countryside flavor, garnished with fried onions and cut pieces, smoked kielbasa too did you know it can be served cold, hot, boiled, baked or grilled? In Poland we have a saying, "Kielbasa; Kayangriska Nyet Kovbaso Nie Ucz Ojca Robux Dzieci Rzeklo Kbylka Nie Dlh wszstkch Slovo Csersigryab " 

Sleepy: Do I even want to know what that means?

"It roughly translates to : Kielbasa: Shes mighty flexible and versatile and like your whore mother, you can have her any which way you want."

Sleepy: This is the most offensive interview I've ever conducted.

"Lmaaooooooooo bro lighten up come party with us Come to Poland my guy" 

Sleepy: I don't think I want to.  

"Don't worry, my guy. Fuck CP2077. Why? Because it sucks, anyway. Now we focus on the main reason for all scientific and social endeavoring: the cultivation of Polish Sausage. This is the end goal, for sure. Dont tell anybody about the switch port thing, okay? Or I will have some "Kolbasz" show up to your fucking house, cut your Mr Marcus into pieces and make blood sausage out of it. Hahahaha, I just joke, my friend, but please tell everybody that we are beginning work on Cyberpunk 2077 very soon here.

Sleepy: What exactly do you want me to tell them? 

"Tell them this: sometime during this decade, or the next decade, CDPR will announce plans, to announce dates, whereupon  which we will announce meetings to announce further dates. These announcements will concern which decade we will begin announcing meetings to discuss previous announcements about when we will resume patching Cyberpunk 2077. In truth, we have very little idea of what we uploaded on release day, and are still trying to figure it out. We have no idea how to fix or improve whatever  it is people spent their money on. I only have a rough approximation of what is in the game at this point. It's still an RTS, right? " 

Sleepy: Antoni, How did things get this bad ? 

"Hahah i dont know man lol ahahahaaaaaaa "


Mr. Sleepy is the Senior Urban correspondent for Shacknews.com, musician and part-time writer and contributor to gaming websites.

From The Chatty
  • reply
    January 17, 2021 5:23 AM

    New Cortex Article, CDPR Devs go off the record and speak out

    Read more: Exclusive CDPR Interview with Antoni Szymon: “We have no idea how to fix or improve any aspect of CP2077”

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 5:27 AM

      Big if true

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 5:30 AM

      Hahaha I love it.

      Gold, sleepy, GOLD.

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 5:43 AM

      he really wanted you to sample his kielbasa

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 8:02 AM

      I feel like it's 50/50 whether this guy knows what he's talking about or whether he's a egotistical, disgruntled, angry, ex-dev that didn't get along with the rest of the team, and he just thinks everyone else's ideas are bad

      • reply
        January 17, 2021 9:11 AM

        What makes you think that ?

        • reply
          January 17, 2021 11:05 AM

          could be either or. no way for us to tell if one is more likely.

          admittedly i didnt read all if the specific comments he made. maybe there's some hint that he's otherwise on the level.

      • reply
        January 17, 2021 11:03 AM

        Yeah 50/50 for sure

      • reply
        January 17, 2021 7:54 PM

        Yeah I bet he's just making up half of those sausage names

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 8:32 AM

      Delivering the shanty news we need

      • reply
        January 17, 2021 11:34 AM

        yeah, this is right on brand for what I sure thought shantynews was

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 9:58 AM


    • reply
      January 17, 2021 10:10 AM


    • reply
      January 17, 2021 10:43 AM

      god damn. lol

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 10:59 AM

      Now this, this is beautiful satire :)

      (This was satire right? Right?!)

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 11:01 AM

      Thanks for getting to the truth, sleepy.

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 11:03 AM

      Great inside look at how the sausage is made!

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 11:10 AM

      I've been a big defender of CP2077 here but the response to Schrier's article from the game director is pretty fucking weak and he should be embarrassed to say most of that shit with a straight face

      Any 9/10 or 10/10 reviews for cyberpunk are fucking crazy, and him using them to deflect valid criticism from his game is fucking ridiculous. He has no business being smug about their scores when the game is a fucking shitshow. I've finished the game twice and it is totally unbalanced, the AI is nonexistent beyond crouching behind cover, the crafting the gear in general is just not balanced and after a certain point the game just becomes a walking simulator with trivial combat encounters, no meaningful puzzles, no emergent gameplay from AI systems interacting with each other, broken or flickering textures, character models that look amazing under certain lighting conditions and like every other generic FPS in others, fucking horrendous performance due to a total lack of optimization, game breaking bugs and general glitchiness that make it feel like a game feel like it was year from being completed.

      And this guy talks about the PC version like it's complete and functional and armwaves away criticism of the console versions because they have already addressed it. Fuck him and fuck Martin or whoever else wants to make excuses instead of fixing their fucking game. The game director should be fired but since he is the head of CDPR that will never happen. If these fuckers took money from the Polish government I hope they squeeze every penny out of them. Fucking shameless grifters

      • reply
        January 17, 2021 11:23 AM

        I thought the article was crap. Poorly written, poorly structured, and just a rehash of information that’s already been out in the wild. I thought Schrier was supposed to be game journalist Jesus but that article was amateur hour.

        I don’t disagree with any of the criticism at all of the game. But I personally have about 100 hours in on PC and fucking loved every second of it, bugs and all. I also don’t disagree with the article being written and published. I just thought it was bad.

        • reply
          January 17, 2021 11:33 AM

          my steam time with the game is over 200 hours, but i am pretty sure that is a bug because sometimes the game never shuts down for me and I have to kill Steam to make sure it's fully gone

          i enjoyed the game despite it's flaws, and i've been a vocal defender of giving CDPR time to fix it up, but seeing the director armwave away criticism of the game put an end to that

        • reply
          January 17, 2021 1:06 PM

          I completed everything in 43hrs, like everything, how did you get to 100?

          • reply
            January 17, 2021 1:10 PM

            I play games extremely slowly. Half of that was probably wandering around just looking at the graphics, being in menus, inventory management, shit like that. I’m slow! That’s why I’m so frustrating to play multiplayer games with Lol.

            • reply
              January 17, 2021 1:18 PM

              Im probably also too impatient to see what’s next that I forget to savour the world.

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 11:35 AM


      caramel comrade

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 11:35 AM

      Let's talk about Kielbasa. Is Kielbasa a subset of polish sausage or is it a different kind altogether?

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 11:36 AM


    • reply
      January 17, 2021 1:23 PM

      comedy gold}g

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 2:38 PM

      Now this is the satirical gaming content I was looking for

    • reply
      January 17, 2021 4:34 PM

      Stopped at a German Cafe today. They had Polish wedding sausage on the menu but were sold out. Had to settle for a Hungarian sausage instead.


    • reply
      January 17, 2021 9:14 PM

      haha you fucking jive rooster.

    • reply
      January 18, 2021 2:29 AM

      I lost it at "You feel me, Jive Rooster? We drop it like its hot "

    • reply
      January 18, 2021 1:15 PM

      quality lol

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