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I have a CBT workbook and stuff like that, I just realized I say "have fun" all the time but I never actually do anything that's sustained fun. Which seems pretty depressed/hypothyroid/we're figuring t out but drs were all on vacation.
(DC peeps if we're enough who are sociable enough want to plan a fun Shackmeet? Etc. )
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Talking to fucked up teenagers about psych and psychopharm and giving them suggestions & trying to convince them to do the healthy shit I know I should be doing?
There's a board game group that meets at the library once a week. I figure logically those are probably my people to a degree but I didn't even make it when they were meeting half a block from here. Like I'm outside now but sitting right outside the window to the lobby. I used to have some smoker friends but one of them moved, wanted to date me ten minutes after my last breakup, kissed me when I said no, was told not to do that anymore, then came over, did it again, and grabbed my breast in the *most* awkward way possible. Like I once saw a comedian joking about how her comedian husband initiates stuff and that was how he did it in the actual joke. I said something like, "Are you serious???" So he's out. The last person I confided in blocked me, told my sister something that got her to block me after telling me "someone" had contacted her, I thought it was my ex and asked him angrily, so *he* blocked me (he and my sister are back, the former college roommate is just gone forever cause that's how she plays, despite having been my best friend here - lots of those have wrecked me by either spreading lies or exaggerating truth they didn't understand, and I'm hard to rely on bc I have been changing meds a lot and having super bad reactions to some) etc.
So like. Maybe. Not really. But I like stuff I just don't do anything and kind of got stuck here by my family and left to freak them out as I got closer to suicidal - I'd never do it but Mom handled me and everything related and my sister was kept out of the loop and my parents were so disconnected that I'm actually pseudonymously in a book and the reviews I saw mentioned me as someone whose parents were unbelievably disconnected from what was going on basically through all the times this could have been properly diagnosed and handled and then my mom left me aka died and my dad is being kind of a jerk. Argh. I mean. He and my sister have their own families even if his is a super Psycho super controlling witch with a target on my back who doesn't let him see me except from like 10-3 weekdays. They go to the beach every weekend. I am not invited.
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