POPCORN FAQ

Everything you ever wanted to know about popcorn but were afraid to ask

dognose

So you've got the munchies, and you're tired of paying full price admission at the theater just to be able to buy some fresh, hot, delicious popcorn, and you want to know how to achieve this wholesome goodness at home.

I'm here to help!!!

Here are some little-known facts about popcorn:

1.  It is nature's most perfect food
2.  It's delicious AND nutritious.  I read that on a popcorn container at a drive-in
3.  Did you know that if you were stranded on a desert island, you could survive on popcorn alone for up to TWO FULL DAYS???

 

Q: Great tasting theater-style popcorn at home?  Isn't that a myth?
A: NO!!!  I once thought that too!  But read on!

Q: What about microwave popcorn?
A: You will never touch that blasphemy again!!!

Q: What about health concerns?  What about cholesterol and fats and oils?
A: Popcorn cleans your teeth.

Q: Can popcorn improve my sex life?
A: Yes.

 

OK, but how do I achieve this?

First, you need a Whirley-Pop.  It does everything they claim:  Tender, crispy, fluffy, theater-style popcorn; the super-heating pops every kernel perfect, every time.

Then, you need popping oil.  This makes it taste like it does in finer theaters, showing finer movies.  Finally, top it off with salt, seasoning, and topping.  You'll NEVER leave home!!!

Canadian readers:  Buy the Canadian version here (holy crap that seems expensive).
European readers:  You guys put sugar on your popcorn anyway.  You wouldn't understand.
Asian readers:  'Sup???
Mexican readers:  Tengo una nariz grande como un perro.

Q:  When should I add the salt?
A:  Good question, and I commend you for it!  You should add it to the oil prior to popping.

Q:  My popcorn is chewy, not light and crispy.
A:  Resist the strong temptation to pop over high heat, like it SAYS IN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.  PREHEAT on MEDIUM for electric stove, set on MEDIUM for gas.  You can wait the extra 30 seconds it takes to pop versus high heat.  Jesus.

Q:  Can I make kettle corn with this?
A:  Yes.  But that's gross.  Now go away.

Q:  I hear coconut oil is bad for you.
A:  This is a myth of the liberal media.  Besides, the coconut oil linked above only has 12g of saturated fat.  You liberals will know what that means.

Q:  I did what you said and bought a Whirley-Pop, and I just made some really good popcorn.  Just thought I'd tell you.
A:  Excellent.  Post pics if you have them please.

Q:  Thank you SO MUCH for introducing the Whirley-Pop to The Shack!!!!! :O
A:  That was Halen, thank him, I merely took it and ran with it in order to steal the limelight

Q:  Could you have made this any more stupid for such an important subject?
A:  Shut up.

Q:  You are awesome, but can I go back to the chatty now?
A:  Yes.

 

 

From The Chatty
  • reply
    February 22, 2021 5:23 PM

    Popcorn FAQ

    Read more: POPCORN FAQ

    • reply
      February 22, 2021 5:48 PM

      now i want popcorn. you're a jerk, dognoses

      • reply
        February 22, 2021 5:53 PM

        I feel your pain, I want popcorn too :(

    • reply
      February 22, 2021 8:22 PM

      Ok actual Q: What kind of kernels do you buy?

      When we bought our whirley pop at the beginning of covid (thanks for changing my familie’s life forever dognose) we got a wabash valley sampler and then when that was gone I bought a few pounds of the wabash valley “big and yellow” but now THATS gone and it seems like it’s become very expensive on Amazon or direct from wabash valley :(

      There’s a few brands at the local grocery store that are literally 10% of the cost. Are they good?

      • reply
        February 22, 2021 8:30 PM

        Well it was actually Halen to whom you owe the gratitude and I have updated the Cortex accordingly, but thanks!

        I buy the Wabash colonels too, and yeah they are hella expensive now, a very good runner up is Orville Baddendogger or whatever it is called, in the little see-through plastic jars

        I would imagine Kirkland is very good, and I wonder if Whole Foods 365 brand has popcorns? Before amazon took over, Whole Foods 365 brand was very good and affordable for the other stuff I tried (coffee, red wine, etc)

        I have bought Jolly Time in a emergency but oh god stay away from most chain store brands, there is rocks in it D:

        • reply
          February 22, 2021 8:35 PM

          I've had good luck with bob's red mill, if you get it near you.
          It comes in white and yellow!

        • reply
          February 22, 2021 8:35 PM

          Ok I have one of those plastic jars of Orville Reichenbacher that Instacart brought me, good to know you approve. Will crack it open next time the kids are clamoring for popcorn.

          • reply
            February 22, 2021 8:39 PM

            Yeah the colonels are big and it pops fine, the little plastic jar keeps it fresher than a plastic bag does, I don't store it in the freezer, you will find conflicting advice about that online but there is no reason to not eat all of the popcorn before it has a chance to go stale either way especially with a family, you are a very good parent, salute

            • reply
              February 22, 2021 8:43 PM

              Yeah I read some advice on the wabash valley farms site about never letting it dry out so I’m careful to keep my kernels sealed, that seems to be working. That’s why I went for Osterville Razzencocker even though it’s a mainstream brand, figured the sealed tub meant they know what’s up when it comes to freshness.

              • reply
                February 22, 2021 8:50 PM

                It costs a little more than all other store brands but I am very happy with it.

                For a while I was only buying the 'hulless' 'Ladyfinger' colonels from Wabash, because an older doctor said I couldn't have popcorn because diverticulosis, FUCK THAT, I will peel the hulls off of each one if I have to. Well, younger doctors say if you have diverticulosis you WANT the hulls and any other roughage you can get. What finally convinced me the hulls were okay was an older doctor but he was Chinese so I paid attention.

                I must say I do miss the hulless Ladyfinger colonels because, while it pops very small, it has a stronger popcornier flavour than the regular ones

      • reply
        February 22, 2021 9:18 PM

        Orville Yellow.

        Don’t overthink it.

        • reply
          February 22, 2021 9:25 PM

          You are right but through questioning comes wisdom

    • reply
      February 22, 2021 8:57 PM

      I wish I could that web page that you created more than a decade ago that talked in more detail about the whirley-pop and different shackers lol

      http://winchatty.com/search?terms=Whirley-Pop+http&author=dognose&parentAuthor=&category=

      Will reveal links like

      https://www.shacknews.com/chatty?id=39142843#item_39142843
      https://www.shacknews.com/chatty?id=7484513#itemanchor_7484513

      But no actual dedicated web page.

      I assume the web page is long gone and maybe the wayback machine could revive it?

      • reply
        February 22, 2021 9:08 PM

        Network Solutions jacked that up and I never fought it, it was coming up for renewal and I tied to pay but I had moved to Dallas and so they wouldn't let me renew it because my address was different, also it doesn't really say 'Dog Nose' on my driver's licence and they didn't like that either since that was the name I used to register the domain, it was never a problem before

        I called them and they said they needed proof of company name on official letterhead paper. Swear to god. So I fired up Word and created letterhead for dognoses.com and sent them it, the chick on the phone had said she would put a hold on the expiration until it was taken care of but the day after expiration I checked and some squatter had siezed it :/

        Fuck Network Solutions, i guess. But I was too busy enjoying Dallas to deal with it

        It was just pictures of dog noses and a little movie that klerck sent me of his dog's nose

        I did have a celebrity dog corner that could have been fun, I got April Winchell on board and could have gotten Arnold Schwarzenegger

        This one crazy lady kept emailing me screaming at me because I wouldn't post a pic of her dog, it wasn't a picture of her dog's nose, just some beagle sitting across the room, so I didn't post it (the site was only interested in the nose) and she kept demanding I post the longshot pic of her stupid dog, fuck her, now the domain squatter has to deal with her emails I guess

        Somebody else sent me a pic of a dog's bootyhole and when I figured out what I was looking at I wondered why I got involved with that website in the first place. Very upsetting

        • reply
          February 22, 2021 9:13 PM

          Yeah but I thought you had like a four page spread about how to use the Whirley-Pop with all kinds of detail and humorous asides.

          Technically it's not too much different from the Cortex article that you just posted. I just wish I could remember details about that those four pages.

          • reply
            February 22, 2021 9:17 PM

            IIRC I only had one page about some popcorn, I found a old HTML file over the weekend that I had backed up from the dognoses.com site and I just copied/pasted from that to Cortex, I think the rest of the site was about dog noses and a few stories about meeting Shackers and probably some Chinese food, i used to post about Chinese food a lot

            Making Cortexes is WAY fun now I know how easy it is, I am going to spam the SHIT out of it >:(

            • reply
              February 22, 2021 9:23 PM

              My memory is really fuzzy and you're probably right; it was mostly about the noses of dognose and not a four page spread about how fine it is to use a Whirley-Pop lol

        • reply
          February 22, 2021 9:29 PM

          I think I found it using the wayback machine.. it's very slow to pull it up so be patient and eat some popcorn
          https://web.archive.org/web/20041101004814/http://www.dognoses.com/

    • reply
      February 22, 2021 9:00 PM

      https://youtu.be/B7UmUX68KtE

      • reply
        February 22, 2021 9:39 PM

        lol the Muppet has real hands :D

    • reply
      February 22, 2021 11:17 PM

      I was literally about to make a reactionary post like "WHAT ABOUT MOVIE THEATER STYLE POPCORN AT HOME??"..

      Then I looked at the poster and went oh shit I should probably actually read this cause he probably already answers it. I would always trust dognose with popcorn advice.

      • reply
        February 22, 2021 11:20 PM

        You have to wade through some bullshit to get at the good stuff in the post, but the info is in there, I am sorry but there is nothing I can do about that :(

        • reply
          February 22, 2021 11:22 PM

          It's not even that bad at all! Took me all of two seconds to find that. Your writing style is entertaining as well. ^^

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