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How to Delete Robinhood

How to Delete Robinhood

Or how I learned to stop worrying and love doing something else with my day.


In this Cortex feature, we will learn how to delete Robinhood, or Robin Hood. Officially it is spelled one word, no space, but I've seen it spelled as two words. It doesn't matter, because no matter how you spell it, they’re terrible.

So in the grand tradition of me being a journalist, I am coming at this with very little knowledge. However, I Googled a couple of things and figured I would share. 

To be clear, I am not a Robinhood (or Robin Hood) user, despite friends texting me with a promo code for a free share. 

"It could be Tesla (TSLA)," they shout.

It's not. 

It's probably GameStop (GME), and who would want to own that in 2021?

Okay, so first, let’s talk about how to delete your account.

Deleting Robinhood (or Robin Hood)

You go to Accounts, in Settings, and you’ll find it somewhere there. Just go and delete the account. Something like that.

I wanted to try this so I downloaded the app. I went far enough to register an account, but not fund it or anything. I just wanted to see how to delete it...and that option isn’t there. 

According to their handy but potentially inaccurate support page, it’s supposed to be there. It’s probably there if you have a full account, but they may be going full Dr. Evil.

It doesn’t really matter, you can just get your money out, delete the app from your phone, and do something else. 

Alternatives to Robinhood (or Robin Hood)

People will be looking for alternatives for their investments, and while I’m not in the know, I’ve been around the block, see? Consider these alternatives:

  • TD Ameritrade, where the TD stands guessed it...Toronto Dominion? Huh!
  • Etrade, which I’m almost 70% sure still exists but you can check that
  • Another stock thing in an app, like you know whatever they do at Bank of America or Wells Fargo
  • A crypto thing to get into Dogecoin omg DOGE so lucky so dollar
  • Go for a walk, socially distant and with a mask, and ponder “why money?”
  • Seriously though, go for a walk, this stuff doesn’t matter
  • It does for some, but it doesn’t need to loom as large for you
  • Look at the sky, talk to your significant other, play your favorite game again, or watch Dredd for the fourteenth time
  • It’s all going to be okay

Stay frosty. Stay safe. Good luck (or Goodluck).

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