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John Cena in Talks to Play Duke Nukem in a Film, For Some Reason

Hollywood came to make movies and chew bubble gum, and they're all out of ideas.

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In one of the more ridiculous stories of this young year, The Hollywood Reporter is reporting news that WWE Superstar John Cena is in talks to play the role of his life, Duke Nukem. You read that, apparently Michael Bay's production company Platinum Dunes is producing a movie based on my buddy Duke. 

Duke Nukem 3D is touted as one of the most important first-person shooters of all-time, but the franchise had fallen out of favor after the response to the long-awaited Duke Nukem Forever sequel. Apparently Paramount has acquired the movie rights to Duke Nukem from Gearbox Software after a previous deal with Dimension Films lapsed. 

This news is baffling considering the Duke Nukem franchise is truly in disrepair and Duke's irreverant and politcally incorrect escapades don't exactly mesh well with the current "Me Too" Hollywood landscape. Platinum Dunes is known for The Purge and Ninja Turtles films that they previously produced for Paramount. John Cena has also found a movie home at Paramount appearing in Daddy's Home 2 and in the upcoming Transformers spin-off Bumblebee. Perhaps this rumor is true, but this all seems unnecessary and stupid. 

We last saw a glimpse of our good buddy Duke Nukem in the trailer for Ready Player One, but it would make more sense to see a Duke Nukem game return the King to his throne before taking on Hollywood. We will be sure to follow this confounding story as it develops.

Asif Khan is the CEO and majority shareholder of Shacknews. He began his career in video game journalism as a freelancer in 2001 for Tendobox.com. Asif is a CPA and was formerly an investment adviser representative. After much success in his own personal investments, he retired from his day job in financial services and is currently focused on new private investments. His favorite PC game of all time is Duke Nukem 3D, and he is an unapologetic fan of most things Nintendo. Asif first frequented the Shack when it was sCary's Shugashack to find all things Quake. When he is not immersed in investments or gaming he is a purveyor of fine electronic music. Asif also has an irrational love of Cleveland sports.

From The Chatty

  • reply
    January 22, 2018 7:40 PM

    Asif Khan posted a new article, John Cena in Talks to Play Duke Nukem in a Film, For Some Reason

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      January 22, 2018 7:42 PM

      He looks more like BJ from Wolfenstein

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      January 22, 2018 8:42 PM

      there is definitely some reason, right? or maybe not? i am confused. why is this being made???

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      January 22, 2018 8:43 PM

      Sounds like a good idea. Back pedal a bit from where Duke went post-D3D and Cena has spent years cultivating the ultimate pro-American image.... It could definitely work.

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        January 22, 2018 8:44 PM

        Could it? I feel like that's Rambo II or III, but we aren't in the 1980s. Duke in film form (not tongue in cheek or sarcastic but true, honest Duke) seems like a really hard sell.

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          January 23, 2018 1:50 AM

          Part of the magic of Rambo II was that it was a heartfelt, earnest, and completely non self aware over the top action film. Inconsistent editing, bad acting, cheesy one liners, excessive explosions, etc. So great.

          What I want from Duke is something a bit more self aware but still dripped in unrealistic violence like a Van Damm bukkake. I want something like Bad Boys II (a film I didn't appreciate when it came out but have really grown to love) or the first Transformers.

          Hopefully they downplay Duke's overly sexualized themes that got overdone in Land of the Babes and Duke Nukem Forever. D3D evolved nicely on the character building from Duke 2, but I think 3DR and co went too far off the rails with him.

          Another fun idea might be seeing him portrayed as an ultra macho Forest Gump in that he inadvertently becomes critical to the success of some major achievements and products over a period of time (would probably be licensing hell, though). They kind of alluded to something similar in Duke Nukem Forever and it might be fun seeing that story branch explored. Call it Duke Begins or something.

          Also put Duke Begins back in development. :(

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            January 23, 2018 9:03 AM

            D3D was 98% alien-kicking action, with some strippers on level 2. People overstated the sexual aspect of it, much like they did with Tomb Raider 1, which really only had the stupid box art silicone tits and sexualized marketing, with the actual game played straight as an archeology adventure.

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      January 22, 2018 9:10 PM

      Yeah this is probably the worst time in history to do a Duke Nukem movie. His chauvinistic attitudes were already somewhat uncomfortable, with what's going on in Hollywood right now there's no way this movie gets off the ground unless they change up the character a lot.

      Of course maybe that's the angle. I forget who but someone pitched the idea that the plot of DNF would have been better if Duke thought he was still a 90's action movie stereotype but everyone around him just laughed at him and rolled their eyes at his lifestyle, but during the course of the game he proves himself and people realize he is as awesome as he says he is.

      Maybe the gig with the movie could be that Duke Nukem is the old cop who's too old for this shit but he doesn't know he's too old for this shit.

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        January 22, 2018 9:13 PM

        I think that was Yahtzee's pitch, and I agree..I think that'd be a great take on things with Duke as the overblown element of an otherwise somewhat grounded reality.

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        January 22, 2018 9:28 PM

        "Of course maybe that's the angle. I forget who but someone pitched the idea that the plot of DNF would have been better if Duke thought he was still a 90's action movie stereotype but everyone around him just laughed at him and rolled their eyes at his lifestyle, but during the course of the game he proves himself and people realize he is as awesome as he says he is. "

        the problem is they already made that movie and it's starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and it's called Last Action Hero

      • Zek
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        January 23, 2018 9:17 AM

        Yeah everything about Duke is offensively bad if he were released today. Let that character live fondly in people's memories, he will not hold up under modern scrutiny.

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      January 22, 2018 9:27 PM

      i came here to kick ass and chew gum. and i'm allllll outta gum.

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      January 22, 2018 9:28 PM

      Duke Nukem with an invisibility cloak doesn't appeal to me.

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      January 22, 2018 10:50 PM

      *seems

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      January 23, 2018 1:26 AM

      See you in line, on opening night Asif. You know you are going to watch it.

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      January 23, 2018 6:47 AM

      My guess it will just be a dumb action flick and there won't be anything recognizable from the game.

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        January 23, 2018 6:54 AM

        Yep exactly. The only thing I can hope for is a new game to come out along side.

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        January 23, 2018 8:04 AM

        If it doesn't have pig cops or strippers I'll be disappointed.

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      January 23, 2018 7:55 AM

      If they make it to where 90's duke wakes up from cryogenic sleep and is thrust into 2018's Trumps America, full of "Millenials", Trump Base, and Rabid internet scrutinizing, then I'm in!

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      January 23, 2018 7:57 AM

      ATTN: dognose, cyber mike, briefcase duder, GrolaR, and packav.

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      January 23, 2018 7:59 AM

      They should cast the bad guy from avatar

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      January 23, 2018 8:22 AM

      Danny McBride would be much better casting. I'm laughing just thinking about him delivering the one-liners.

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        January 23, 2018 9:49 AM

        could u imagine if kenny powers got jacked, flattop haircut and blonde? i would pay to see that.

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      February 5, 2018 3:29 PM

      Hahahahahahahahahah - wait they're serious, let me laugh harder - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!