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I've got a brand-spaking new track up called "Conspiracy", check it out!
http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/1375866
Simple and clean, please tell me what you think!
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1) Stop rapping like your an intense hard ass. You're asking for advice on a video game forum. Most of the good hip-hop that I like doesn't come from guys claiming a genre of rap but instead subscribing to their own. Brother Ali, Atmosphere, Mr. Lif, Lupe Fiasco, Shad K, Binary Star, Murs, Spank Rock, Living Legends... yadda are all great examples (I highly suggest you start listening to these guys too for more inspiration)
2) Drop the Aesop Rock voice. It's annoying.
3) Find someone who really knows how to compose a beat. Typically they can provide good feed back and they can also give you a much better support when it comes to the instrumental. It can also make or break a mediocre rap. Chiddy Bang Philly is a good example of a group who's lyricist really isn't that good of a rapper but their beats are fucking great and because of that in-spite of the dude's lyrics and flow I enjoy the music immensely.
4) Don't be afraid of a chorus
5) When you're writing your lyrics give them a direction. That Conspiracy track was interesting with it's loose affiliation of a dude walking around town interacting in an espionage type of way but it all fell apart at the end and in the first place it was really loose anyway.
There are a couple other things I would change but they're hard to verbalize and really I think these are the key factors. Like I said too, I'm not a producer. This is just my opinion.
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