LATEST CHATTY HEADER
Subscribe to Shacknews Mercury starting at $1/month!
Chrome Shack Community Guidelines Chatty Search
Scroll down to join the conversation.
New to Shacknews? Signup for a Free Account
Already have an account? Login Now
Subscribe to Shacknews Mercury starting at $1/month!
Chrome Shack Community Guidelines Chatty Search
Scroll down to join the conversation.
Thread Truncated. Click to see all 49 replies.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I toiled, weak and weary,
O'er games online (UT CTF for 4)--
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a slapping,
As of some one gently fapping, fapping outside my apartment door.
"'Tis some pervert," I muttered,"fapping at my apartment door--
Only this and nothing more."
Presently the sound grew stronger; Hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was 0wning, and so rudely you came stroke-boning,
fapping at my apartment door,
That I almost bust a cap in j00" --here I opened wide the door;
--Darkness there and nothing more.
Back towards my computer turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a fapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "I will gamble and see what at my door doth amble.
It's a travesty, a shamble
Let my nose be still a moment and this horrid stench explore; --
Holy fuck! 'Tis Bruce Campbell!!! and nothing more!"
Looking straight out of the gutter, and with penif caked with butter
In there stepped a washed up actor of the Saintly days of yore.
Not the least apology made he; not an intelligent look betrayed he;
Perched upon my shrine to Duke just inside my apartment door--
sat and sobbed, and nothing more.
"I said them first, in the movie! 'Kick ass, chew gum' and 'groovy'
Now they're stolen by one whose popularity is more"
"Though other references also be taken," I said, "no other hearts were breaken,
John Carpenter and others must be better sport than thou so why the fuck are you so sore?"
"Because it's all I had, and now I haven't even that" Quoth the baby, "I've nothingmore."
Much I marvelled this whiny bitch to hear him moan so plainly,
Though he didn't even write the shit, so little relevancy bore;
Sour grapes aside, there's agreeing that no living human being
Would wish the fate that awaits The Campbell upon release of DN4
Should references be instead from elsewhere
Then the attention that was there will be no more
"Your 15 minutes are up, you dried up has been
Look who has outlasted j00 then
It's Duke Nukem now and Forevermore."
And the figure, quietly sobbing, now limp and no longer throbbing
(like his career), now fapping no more;
slumped away slowly into the night, disappearing from my sight
And only sobbing was heard any more;
And when faded was the stench of rotten, the bad hack actor was forgotten
by me, and everyone, evermore.
The post has been reported. Thank you!
You must be logged in to post.
You must be logged in to post.