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I think we went down an elevator, but not the same one we came up. I was honestly dissapointed we did not have to each kick in a little vent cover and crawl through an air duct to get there at some point but whatever. My mind is still racing with ideas and I'm nervous and yes, noticing I'm starting to stink which sucked. Also to note, this area was different than the original "Offices" level with a more industrial look, concrete floors and walls. Randy's office is right there with his big assed monitor and back facing the door. There's something I could never do, have an office with my back against the door. And your monitor. How in the heck can you look at porn or whatnot (more porn) with your monitor facing out the window for all to see? Maybe he doesn't give a shit and whatever Randy Pitchford is looking at on his monitor is whatever fucking Randy fucking Pitchford is fucking looking at on his fucking monitor.
We got to the trailer/demo room and spread out a bit to listen to Steve talk about what Randy was going to talk about. Randy comes in and he's almost confused by who we were and what in the heck was going on. Apparantly, this was highly unprecedented and the Post-It note Steve left on Randy's fucking monitor saying we were coming today fell off or something as Randy appeard to not know we were coming. He was very cool with it though and knew who we were overall (Shackers) and took some time to express his dislike for certain journalists in the room. Apparantly there was a guy from some PC mag that twisted Randy's words during an interview or something.
After we all get settled and Randy is up to speed, Randy starts explaining his role in Duke3d, how it all came to be originally, and where we were now. Steve encouraged him to continue on with a wild analogy that DNF was like Luke Skywalker going into the trenches and something else he lost me on, but overall it was a great Shack Analogy and he'd really fit in perfectly here if he'd give us a chance. Randy is very excited about Duke, he's very passionate about Duke and really wants Duke to succeed beyond the financials. I'd actually go so far to say he seemed more interested in seeing Duke the franchise thrive than whatever money would come. It was a good talk and I could listen to the guy talk for minutes on end.
Next up, Steve commanded someone to dim the lights and Maarten dropped his Poptart and shuffled over to get the shades. It was time for the trailer and I nearly shit my pants. All of the anticipation. All of the wonder, all of the mystique and we were about to get to see a trailer of the game in action! It was like it was 1999 all over again, baby! Oh, shh, the video is starting.
DUKE NUKEM FOREVER!! I honestly don't remember everything from the video as it would be nearly impossible given we only saw it once and it's got quite a bit packed in so I will summarize below to my best abilities:
- Duke Nukem kicked the aliens' ass at one point to the degree he's got a statue built after him.
- It's the future and the aliens are coming back, but where's Duke?
- The aliens are tearing shit up, yo. Where's Duke??
- Aliens are tugging on your erect statue, Duuuuukkkee.. Where ya aaaat?
- OH HERE I AM fucking Duke Nukem is back now ladies and gentlemen and kicking ass and shooting shit
- Scenes of flying things with a turret
- Creepy sewer looking area with tentacles wrapped around pipes?
- BOOBS! Virtual ones on a stripper, but no pasties this time.
- Remember when Austin Powers took a long piss? Duke pisses for a long time at one point and it's slightly uncomfortable as the music drops and we're all just watching a stream of piss hitting a standing urinal with Duke going "Ohh yeahhhh" "uggh" or whatnot.
- boom boom boom pow kablammy!!
- He gives a flesh looking doorway a "goochie goochie" kind of thing and tickles it and it opens up.
- loud noises, guns, duke, aliens
- Duke Nukem in a 4x4 Monster Truck on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!
- Big 3 tittied alien. Imaging the mother alien from Aliens with three bouncy boobs on her.
When the video wraps up, it pulls back from the Duke title screen into a shot of Duke in a living room with two blondes on their knees talking about Duke being done or something I can't quite remember. He says something about it taking Forever and that's about it. This was also in the demo and I may be getting some of these specifics incorrect.
Ok. So that was the wild, "too hot for the internet" video. I'm going to warn you, if you wanted this writeup to stay peachy-keen, skip this next area and keep in mind overall, I had a WONDERFUL time!
I thought the video was rather poor in terms of showing off the potential of DUke and I think mainly because it traded off "cool gaming shit" for shock value. So shock-y that apparantly now they cannot even show it? If that's the reason it's not on the internet now, not sure. But get rid of the nudity, the ending BJ joke or whatever and just show us some cool shit in DNF that we can do. Shooting aliens, yeah we got that. I may as well get this next bit out of the way now.
For me, what made Duke Nukem 3D so cool wasn't any one thing you could point at and replicate 15 years later and expect the same success. Duke wasn't just about pissing in urinals, seeing stippers, using big obnoxious guns, or his one liners specifically. It was the fact that nothing else was going that route at the time. It was the measure against everything else out there at the time that made D3D what it was for me. I was used to plain hallways and fairly boring weapons and characters. It was the beginning of 3D hallway type gaming and when Duke 3D came out, because it was so different, it really stood out. And again, not because of it's recipe exactly, but because it's recipe was so different than the other recipes at the time. You could then say, "Well, duh. Now, if we just simply remake that recipe and cook it, wham, instant success no?" No. Many, many, many games have come since. We've had great alient battles in Halo, Resistance, etc. so we've seen plenty of alien invasions. We've played Postal and pissed everywhere and even set people on fire and more. Ratchet and Clank have the wacky obnoxious weaponry down. This recipe has already been watered down so much that honestly, what I saw in the video wasn't shocking. It wasn't "OMG!!!" It was honestly a bit bland, a bit over the top in it's attempts to just take what D3D did to level 11.
I think (for me personallY) what Duke needs to do is not take it's old gimmicks out and ramp them up to 11 - Hey you can piss now. And look, there's strippers. And he's got one liners. It needs to see what is out there now (which is tough, it's a MUCH different market than it was when Duke3D hit the scene) and seriously take the "fun" and "interaction" to the next level. I'll touch on this more after my demo thoughts.
What that trailer needed to do was give people, the most people it can, hope and faith that Duke is in good hands and imo by releasing it as they did in a way that doesn't allow them to show everyone at once due to the nudity or whatnot is a mistake. There's nothing in it that's worth hiding or holding back on releasing, no spoilers. The nudity can be easily removed. Spend more time showing folks how much fun they will be having in Duke Nukem, plain and simple. I don't think the video nor how it's been released has done Duke justice in terms of it's potential.
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