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I can't wait to play Episode 2. During my exam I was thinking about finally being able to play it. That might not have been the best concentration strategy.
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anyways then in ep2 you start off and the vortiguants are all "sup?" and the g-man is all "wtf?" and you end up at the bottom of the citadel with alyx who is all touching you and gordon is like "woah" but then alyx is like "wtf no we have to save the planet" and gordon is like "cockblocked :("
anyway dog shows up and you get into a minivan and he throws you into the citadel and you get the super duper gravity gun again and fuck shit up in the citadel which is comprised entirely of stealing bouncy balls from one place and sticking them in another place. you eventually overload the dark matter reactor in the citadel and then it's time to gtfo because shit is about to blow up again.
after that you are trying to escape from city 17 with alyx and you end up in a combine train and it crashes and you spend seventeen years in the dark with some zombies (which include combine zombies, playfully coined 'zombine' by alyx, and no you can't shoot her in the face for that, I tried)... fortunetly you can have your flashlight on and shoot at once so it's cool even though the battery runs out once in a while and you "accidentally" grope alyx when that happens ("where's that lightswitch?")
anyway you escape and instead of breen, steiner is on the huge monitors and he's all "oh shi we're free, everyone fuck like rabbits! also get the fuck out of this shit because it's gonna blow!"
then some more shit happens that I forget but you meet up with barney and he's all "oh man save these retarded and generic looking citizens!" so you are like "okay, what the fuck else do I have to do?" so you get these morons to follow you through a horribly inconvenient assembly of junk and broken cars that are set up in such a way that if you could jump OVER them it would take about three seconds to get to a door but with the way they are arranged it takes like six minutes and then you go through a warehouse which apparently has a fucking combine rave on the roof because they keep busting through the fucking windows and shooting your pals.
anyway after you go back and forth escorting like fifty people but only saving maybe two you finally can escape and barney is all like "I'm on a train!" and then a fucking strider shows up and he's like "I somehow have more health than a regular strider!" and you have to scramble through an assortment of conveniently arranged crates until you can get to a supply of rockets and kill that fucker and he's all "OW FUCKING HELL" and dies and gordon is all "YEEEEAAHHHH BOOOYYEEEEE"
then you get on a train with alyx and you see like a bajillion fuckers shoot out of the citadel before it fucking explodes and the screen goes white and we can only presume gordon and alyx die and fail to save the world from the combine.
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