LATEST CHATTY HEADER

The format of epic poetry is often associated with war stories. It makes my brain sad and I loathe it. So naturally I wrote my entry in epic poem format. Without much further ado:

Sing to me O Carmack, O wise creator of all
Of dark days past when humanity stood to fall.
Invaders rained from skies you lov'd
Creeping sinew, cold steel and blood.
So sing O Carmack, I beseech thee tell
The battle for Valley to save the well.

The wrath of Titans fell all around
Laying waste defences, scorching ground.
With mighty thrust their shining armour pushed out,
Armadillo as cavalry, Husky as scout.

The Trojans relentless as their namesake of old
Their phalanx advances, deadly and bold.
Spilling forth from their horse the likeness lingers
Shotguns and rifles clutched in blood-stained fingers
Through darkened tunnel they push ever forward
Upon their lips the rallying cry of “aawwkwaaaard!”

At tunnel's mouth a hulking Cyclops stood emplaced
Not Polyphemus as Odysseus once faced
Nay, this Cyclops is far more elite
Tho' just as hungry for human meat.
Fayjax, courageous and noble marine
You led the charge to smash this machine.
“ATTN SOLDIER MENZ: fire rockets at it”
The walker buckled and collapsed as they hit.
As you all gathered your breath there came a shock:
Nictor rais'd his arms and cry'd “I love the cock.”

Nictor was your comrade, you knew him well
Tho' bore his face 'twas not him you could tell.
To destroy the Infiltrator you made a pledge
Then into veiled Strogg you thrust your knife edge
Ripping gristle, bone and brain
The monster fell cleft in twain.

But you did not see Remilles camped up high
Watching you with deadly intent through beady eye.
Icarus descended, nary wax on his wing
Charging you with a frothing hiss of “Mortifying!”
As portends, Remilles' wings bring his demise
Sparked by your bullets they ignite as he flies.
The lord of Late Night Consoling lay dethroned
Standing over his corpse you mocked * R E M O W N E D *

For the epic battle still ahead you reloaded your gun.
tl;dr: contaminator was 'sploded, marines won.

Remembering fallen comrades you sadly reminisc'd
“'tis for humanity's sake we are driven to resist.
This is what Earth means to me:
Lamp, sand, lime and liberty.
We shall fight no matter how bruised or bleeding
From dawn of First Post till dusk's Evening Reading.”