I must have missed the initial news that developer Propaganda Games has created the reprehensible "Grab Bag" achievement for the Xbox 360 version of its upcoming Turok. It awards you ten Gamerscore points if you "kill at least 1 creature, 1 enemy, 1 teammate, and yourself in the same round of a public match."
This is quite possibly the worst idea ever in the history of online gaming, and the history of online gaming is already full of idiocy, griefing, and assholes.
"I'm just getting my achievement, bro!" you can expect to hear, accompanied by raucous laughter, after requesting your team-killing squadmate kindly fuck off. If you really strain your ears, you might even be able to make out the sound of congratulatory palm-slapping and beer-chugging in dorm rooms worldwide.
Imagine my surprise, having never heard of this achievement, when I learned today that Propaganda might eventually remove it "if it does become an issue when the game releases."
"Whoa, they removed the achievement? Sorry, bro, I didn't know!" you might now instead hear, right before being team-killed again.
Through covert means, Shacknews has obtained an exclusive early look at other achievements planned for inclusion in Turok:
- "Fag Hunter" - Call into question the sexual orientation of each teammate
- "Ahead of the Curve" - For 24 hours, quit every game you join prior to completion
- "Braggadocio" - Inform all teammates of your sick skills
- "Frat Haze" - Repeatedly crouch on the head of a dead teammate for 5 seconds
- "Race Warrior" - Make use of forty racial slurs within the span of one minute
- "Bathroom Break" - Spend an entire game utterly still at a spawn point
Header image: Penny Arcade