Boll Knocks 'em Out

The boxing challenge that filmmaker Dr. Uwe Boll extended to several of his prominent critics earlier this year has played out this time, and, unlike in the reviews these critics have published about the good doctor's work, Boll came out on top. Boll is the director responsible for the video game film adaptations House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and BloodRayne, as well as the upcoming In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Postal, and Far Cry. This past weekend, Boll's fights with Something Awful's Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka, Rue Morgue's Chris Alexander, Ain't it Cool News' Jeff Sneider, and 17-year-old critic and kickboxer Chance Minter took place in Vancouver. A bout with Cinecutre's Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello was held earlier this month. Boll won every match, a fitting rebuttal to the critical beating his films have taken on the internet and in print. Addressing the crowd before the event, Lowtax stated, "You are harboring a terrorist. You are all guilty." Alexander successfully managed to surprise Boll with fake blood that he projected out of his mouth during the match. "I spat it out. I freaked him out exactly like I wanted to do, it was poetry," Alexander explained. "It was my Jedi mind trick to try and disorient him." According to Sneider, Boll assured the journalists that the fights were only publicity stunts, but the director's performance during the matches went beyond PR. "I think he's a jerk," said Sneider. "This might be PR but I don't want to keep getting punched in the head." Lowtax echoed these sentiments in a forum post made on Something Awful, and added that Sneider was hurt to the point that he required an oxygen mask and EMT supervision. Speaking after the event, Boll said, "I like now the critics. Everybody who was in the ring showed balls." Except, perhaps, for one.