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Shacknews Forces Crush Valve Overlords in Fierce Team Fortress 2 Skirmish

by Nick Breckon, Jan 17, 2008 8:47pm PST
Related Topics – Valve, Shacknews

SHACKNEWS HEADQUARTERS, THE INTERNETS--Victory has been declared today by the Shacknews People's Militia over the Army of Valve Software following an intense Team Fortress 2 battle that left the infamously oppressive development regime retreating to their Citadel.

The pivotal moment came during a conflict over the Well, SourceTV witnesses say, with the Shacknews squad boasting a 3-1 score over their inferior opponents. Nearly 60 Shacknews civilians turned out to spectate and lend their support.

Reports that Valve had won over the Shack in a blitzkrieg-like assault last September were later found to be a product of the regime's propaganda machine.

Though the vanquished bastard fascists have yet to unconditionally surrender, the quickly-retreating losers managed to issue a few parting remarks.

"We're nerfing demos now btw," said Valve's Erik Johnson, perhaps in response to the vicious exploits of war heroes NastyJack and Jackass.

"Those were the most intense, awesome games I've ever had," said the modest Jack. "I didn't even look at my score once, no one was concerned about it."

"we ban your account before the next match," replied a barbarous, incoherent Johnson.

Another battle is currently planned for Friday, according to Shack tactician trOmblyj.

War documentarian bcyde provided these combat images, with sergeon capturing the historic moment of triumph with this commentary-laden film:

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Notes: On the Shack team, expert spy CptTrips was joined by medics itsJeff, maldoror, and hamachi; heavies Venguard and Zaun; Demomen NastyJack and Jackass; Pyro trOmblyj; engineer noobja; and soldiers nyranger66 and Harvester. While some sources claim that Valve won a round of Granary, this fact is currently disputed by Shacknews Minister of Information Nick Breckon.




Comments

23 Threads | 39 Comments
  • Valve played their match on pwnage.tv you can go to the website and find it uploaded to the site in a day or 2 on the demo part " on demand " i think is the area. The 2 top teams ex and 20id merged to make a 12 man team to play valve 12 vs 12. Valve started using a uber hax so that the team would stand a chance and still lost. It was a demolish. ex - 20id came out with all scouts round one and just basically rolled right over them in under 2 minutes on granary. then played with them and went all spy's. lost that round. then went back to trying and ended u spawn camping with 8 demomen. valve needs to fix the game better for competition.
    Class restrictions for classes
    6v6 is best format. 8v8 and higher is just spam and hardly medic uber train rushes.
    more MAPS is a huge problem
    and medic needs more then just a weak needle gun.



  • no class should be " nerfed " that will hurt the game. If anything medic should have something added, new maps must be added and maybe make crits an option on / off so that leagues wont have to use class restrictions and heavies would actually be used more in matchs. The game is made more for fun in public servers, but what about the people who play it on a " high level " like in www.cevo.com where money is involved ? I heard you guys are playing 20/ex in a upcoming match " valve " that is. they are 2
    cevo PROFESSIONAL teams, so if you think weapons should be nerfed cause of what happend in the shack match wait till you play a team that plays for money and not only do they play but they are the #1 and #2 team in the game at the moment. All Im trying to do is make sure you guys dont nerf weapons to the point where no one wants to play the game at a high level and then the game will die down and eventually only played on pubs and then eventually die. Look at F.e.a.r / Unreal tournament 3 / Enemy quakewars all games that high decent coverage, few tournys, then the creators shit all over the games with bad patchs or no worthy patchs and now the games are crap and no one plays them. Dont make the same mistake with tf2 please :) anyways enjoyed the article. ( unreal tournament 3 actually didnt make it off the ground because it was released in beta form )

    Hopefully you guys get some advice from people who actually play the game at a high level, so that maybe more people will play and more tournaments will come start up because the competition will grow from it being a good " competition " game.. " competition updates from people who actually play the game at a high level = more competition teams = more tournaments = more money invested into the game " " updates for public server stars = less competition = less tournaments = no money = no new players but people leaving to play cod4 " :)

    p.s I wrote this late and night and just threw it together as it came out of my head, did not try to make it a good argument or story ( haha ) just fast info. thanks peace.