Shacknews Dethrones Destructoid, Dominates at Bay Area Gaming Press Tournaments

SAN FRANCISCO--Editorial staff of acclaimed video game site Shacknews dominated rival news outlets yesterday in publisher-run Bay Area press event game tournaments.

Destructoid, as represented by editor Aaron Linde, reigning champion of Redwood City-based Hudson Entertainment's Bomberman press tournament, was ruthlessly defeated at the hands of Shacknews editor Carlos Bergfeld during yesterday's latest Bomberman Land (Wii) bracket. Linde is advised to thank his lucky stars Bergfeld was not in attendance for the previous tournament in June. Yeah, in your fucking face.

Bergfeld out-bombed 15 other contestants. Numerous other publications such as 1UP and Games Radar fell to his prowess. The final round saw him explode to victory in a long but conclusive 5-2-2-2 set. He was awarded with accolades and vintage Hudson apparel and luggage.

In a heavily-attended Electronic Arts-hosted press event in San Francisco yesterday evening, Shacknews again distinguished itself among its peers. In another 16-player competition, this time using recently-announced Ninja Reflex on Wii, Shacknews became the only publication to see two editors reach the winner's circle.

Bergfeld placed a respectable fourth in the tournament, while editor-in-chief Chris Remo reached second--tragically out-ninja'd by Jack Devries of deplorable rival IGN by a mere 27 milliseconds in a round of chopstick fly-catching. Foul play is suspected, and investigations are pending. Both Remo and Bergfeld received ceremonial wooden swords for their achievements, while Remo also received some goofy-ass ninja stars.

When asked to comment on the historic press tournament record, Chris Remo said, "Could we please fucking stop with the 'hay I'm a girl' posts in the chat threads?"