(AUCKLAND, NZ) A local cow was seen enjoying a new exercise ball today.
"I do not know where it came from, but it is my ball now. It is fun and I like to push it around," the unidentified bovine was recorded in a statement.
The cow was observed frolicking delightedly through the field, adorably nudging the large exercise ball about with its velvety cow nose.
"I love my new ball. We will be friends forever," the cow said.
The exercise ball, a 75cm ActiveBalance model EF75, appeared to be dirty but undamaged. Whether the ball could support the weight of an hardy billionaire video game developer remained uncertain.
"I love my new ball, it smells like beef, like me," intruded the cow. "So much beef. Like hot, wet beef."
"Seriously, smell this. Beef and sadness. But I am not sad. I am a happy cow. I am happy with my new ball."
Interviews with a nearby ranch hand who wished to remain anonymous indicated that the happy cow was due to be slaughtered the next day, where a bolt gun would be used to shatter the bovine's skull with an explosive charge.
"The grass is soft. The sun is warm. My ball is fun. I am so happy."