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Game of Thrones: Nintendo - Lannisters

Some are born into greatness, others are made great, and still others climb to greatness upon a pile of Koopa corpses. What if the heroes and characters in the Nintendo universe were a little less Disney, and a little more Game of Thrones? What personalities would they match up with?

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Some are born into greatness, others are made great, and still others climb to greatness upon a pile of Koopa corpses. What if the heroes and characters in the Nintendo universe were a little less Disney, and a little more Game of Thrones? What personalities would they match up with? We at Shacknews are out to find out which Nintendo characters would have a shot at winning the Iron Throne... adorned with a giant smiling star.

Cersei Lannister / Rosalina

Nintendo comes up a little short when it comes to princesses that are as devious, power-hungry, and cold-hearted as Cersei. However, if you take Rosalina and raise her in family as ruthless as the Lannister House, she could very easily become a brutal queen of the stars. Not only does Rosalina have a similar look, she has been getting more powerful since her first appearance in Super Mario Galaxy. She also has great power, knowledge of the universe, and often acts very mother-like. We can already imagine Rosalina throwing down lines like, "When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die." After she crushes her foes in upcoming Super Smash Bros Wii U / 3DS.

Jaime Lannister / Dark Link

Every hero has a dark side, and it often manifests itself as an independent entity in the Nintendoverse. Shadow Link first makes an appearance in Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, and returns in various incarnation across a number of other games. Perhaps his most memorable appearance is in Ocarina of Time, where he challenges Link to an epic battle. He has all the same moves and weapon mastery as Link, which should rival that of Jaime Lannister's. As a magical copy of Link, we can infer that he has full memory of all his heroic deeds, even if he is indifferent to them. Jaime has a more complex relationship with his history of heroism and treachery, but if House Nintendo ever needed a dedicated guardian to the throne, Dark Link would be a fine choice.

Joffrey Baratheon / Prince Bowser Koopa Jr.

Bowser Jr. is Bowser's only son, and the born heir to the Koopa King's throne. He inherited his father's bad attitude, along with fire breathing powers, and is often thought of as bratty and spoiled. Although he doesn't the same sadistic nature as Joffrey, he does have a sociopathic side, exemplified by how he occasionally helps kidnap Princess Peach. Bowser Jr. is still very young and inexperienced as a ruler who is following his dad's lead. But who knows how things will turn out in a few years when he wants to take the Koopa Throne for himself? Bowser had better watch his shelled back before he finds a knife in it.

Tyrion Lannister / Toad

Toad has more in common with Tyrion Lannister than diminutive size. They're both generally underestimated by those around them, but have a great deal of hidden potential. Tyrion with his mind and wit, Toad in being one of the strongest and fastest characters in Super Mario Bros 2. Although Toad is often depicted as a bit of a coward, he does his best to support more powerful characters like Mario in his adventures. Not too unlike Tyrion paying Bronn to provide muscle and sword skills. The two can also rise to the occasion when necessary. Tyrion led the defense at The Battle of Blackwater, where he helped repel Stannis' forces. Similarly, Toad had to use speed and strategy to defeat a variety of opponents in Wario Woods for the SNES. Next week: Our trek trough the Nintendo Game of Thrones kingdom continues next week with the Starks. What characters do you think match up, and who would win the Iron Sunshine Star Throne? Let us know in Chatty.
Managing Editor

From The Chatty

  • reply
    May 19, 2014 12:15 PM

    Steven Wong posted a new article, Game of Thrones: Nintendo - Lannisters.

    Some are born into greatness, others are made great, and still others climb to greatness upon a pile of Koopa corpses. What if the heroes and characters in the Nintendo universe were a little less Disney, and a little more Game of Thrones? What personalities would they match up with?

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 12:51 PM

      For Cersei, how about (Link Between Worlds Spoiler) Princess Hilda? She's pretty power hungry and totally willing to screw over Hyrule to keep her kingdom going.

      What about Tywin? The most powerful man in the kingdom and uses his children to try to crush his enemies, even when they usually disappoint him? Gotta be Bowser.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 12:57 PM

      What now?

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      May 19, 2014 12:59 PM

      Please tell me you guys aren't slowly going to turn into Kotaku with stories like this. I stopped going to that website because they only did these types of articles with the actual gaming news spread among them, being outnumbered 20 to 1.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 1:23 PM

      what the heck

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 1:32 PM

      I'm sorry, what?

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 1:35 PM

      I know it's probably slow news time but stop this right now.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 1:43 PM

      Look, what everyone's trying to say is that this article needs way more incest.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 1:44 PM

        here here

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 1:46 PM

        Just as long as everyone involved is good looking. That's the kind of incest I can get behind.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 1:49 PM

      Did I go to buzzfeed by accident or something? :/

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 2:00 PM

      BuzzNews?

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 2:08 PM

      Hey, thanks for the feedback. We're trying out different types of features. In this case, we thought it might be fun to pick up Monday afternoon with something unexpected.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 2:12 PM

        To add onto this, your feedback is what's important to us. So if you guys don't think it's working, we'll send it out to sea.

        Fare thee well, GoT Nintendo. We hardly knew ye!

        • reply
          May 19, 2014 2:15 PM

          Spoilers: Mario gets beheaded.

          • reply
            May 19, 2014 2:31 PM

            Two Toads are having an incestuous relationship, but no one could tell because they all look the same.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 2:12 PM

        I like that you guys are trying new things. This didn't really appeal to me (a little too Buzzfeed-ish for my tastes).

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 2:22 PM

        Your other stuff is a lot of fun. The gaming recipes is a bit odd but fun.

        This sort of comes off as cornballish. Don't let this experiment stop you from trying other things.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 2:23 PM

        I'm glad to see you guys try new things and I'm in favor of anything that brings views and revenue to the site, but this feature is fluffy in a way that seems to pander to the current popular infatuation with GOT. But again, I'd rather the front page turn into buzzfeed or upworthy with chatty unchanged, than see them both go down.

        • reply
          May 19, 2014 2:27 PM

          We'd like to have it so that our front page content serves our readers and our Chatty audience AND have Chatty unchanged. That's why we appreciate having you guys around to keep us honest.

          • reply
            May 19, 2014 2:30 PM

            You will never get sugarcoated feedback here haha

          • reply
            May 19, 2014 8:00 PM

            Sooner or later when the shack gets back into a shack battle mode it would be cool to have some writers play and record content. There have been some good runs with games like Planetside 2, the Day Z mod, etc.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 2:36 PM

        Maybe instead of such silliness and clickbaiting you could do video reviews or quick looks or video interviews or other original video content that is not just 5 minutes of news? It seems like quick looks and let's plays is where the cool kids are at nowadays.

        I'm not saying "be more like GiantBomb", but maybe, I don't know, be more like GiantBomb?

        • reply
          May 19, 2014 2:37 PM

          Alice's Dark Souls videos seemed to draw interest on the Chatty. I don't know if they generated much traffic on the main site.

          • reply
            May 19, 2014 3:14 PM

            There was no real connection between the two. It *should* have been linked to the front page or an article you click through on the front page and then archived here. Things were pretty weird here right then so I know *why* there was no real coordination on that, but in the future I think it may happen.

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              May 19, 2014 4:18 PM

              Dark Souls Nites was something I did for fun, very much for myself, that I wouldn't want to be part of my job. There were no expectations or obligations (that I felt at first, at least). I was dicking about and entertaining myself, and much of my motivation came from entertaining a few friends who watched. I would've stopped doing Dark Souls Nites before making it work.

              Also I've largely tried to avoid picking up 'fans' because having fans is weird and horrible and I'd be wary of how posting DSN would work with that. That it did get a few fans organically was already weird to me. I've mostly succeeded at not having fans too, certainly helped by the obscurity, nature, and quality of my work as well.

              • reply
                May 19, 2014 4:22 PM

                Too late, I'm already your undying fan!

              • reply
                May 19, 2014 4:29 PM

                I get a little sense of enjoyment when I'm reading the RPS RSS feed, I click an interesting article and at some point in reading it, something in the back of my mind says, "this sounds like Alice's wit" and I look up and there's your name. It happened most recently with the Shelter 2 story and the War of Vikings story. Still, the fact that I have to check to be sure probably means you're fitting in very well there. I don't see you writing articles that compare Nintendo characters to Game of Thrones characters.

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                May 19, 2014 5:04 PM

                Oh like you'd know. I'm an expert in these matters. Harrumph harrumph.

              • reply
                May 19, 2014 7:43 PM

                "I would've stopped doing Dark Souls Nites before making it work."

                It's unfortunate more 'traditional' outlets don't realize that often the stuff that doesn't feel like work is what people want to watch. Put people on stuff they like and let others watch. It's simple.

                I hope the shack can find a balance. I'd love to be spending half the time I spend watching GB vids a week watching Shack vids.

                • reply
                  May 19, 2014 8:14 PM

                  That's not easy to just serve up. When it happens it's usually an accident.

                  • reply
                    May 19, 2014 8:16 PM

                    It's apparent with GB they'd be doing this anyway.

                  • reply
                    May 19, 2014 9:21 PM

                    You are right. On the other hand we have examples of shack staff making that kind of content. Maybe the people in charge should take notice and make it easier for them to create it.

                • reply
                  May 20, 2014 12:12 AM

                  Working with games can already make you fucking sick of games. At times before I went months without playing a single game. Turning the ways you relax with games into work is real risky for a line of work which already so strongly inspires unhappiness and burnout.

              • reply
                May 19, 2014 8:14 PM

                There you go again with the self deprication! Your dry cynical wit was apparent in Dark Souls Nights. It applies so well to your writing too. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you'll always have fans.

        • reply
          May 19, 2014 2:46 PM

          I thought this was funny-ish, although trying to suggest that toad, dark link, and rosalina are siblings is a bit silly =0

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          May 19, 2014 5:44 PM

          Ozzie's adventures of playing every hero in Dota 2 five times!

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        May 19, 2014 3:50 PM

        It's too pop culture influenced and we have two major threads for the show when it airs. So it kind of saturates that conversation of the most recent episode with an odd tangent and basically amounts to fan fiction.

        I think a cool feature would be to take existing game franchises and introduce them into new genres. Solicit the community for ideas or submit something like photoshops for a theme. Like what a Mario RTS or Civilization game would look like. This way it's still within the game world but takes it to new frontiers.

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        May 19, 2014 4:27 PM

        I dig it, myself but you can't keep e'eryone happy, and the unhappy ones are always the loudest

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 6:11 PM

        Some constructive criticism: I think you know why this feature doesn't work, so let's talk about features that would work, or would work better.

        * E3 is less than 3 weeks away. How about write-ups on games you plan to preview, and what you hope to see, or DON'T want to see, from the game.

        * More than a dozen talented developers from Rare lost their jobs. Go shake down some contacts and get an interview (anonymous sources would be valid), or write a retrospective charting Rare from its early days to now, exploring what went right and wrong along the way.

        * EA announced plans to announce 6 new properties at E3. Play off this announcement of pending announcements by writing up an editorial on game genres you feel would fill gaps in or complement upcoming EA games we do know about.

        Just suggestions. Good luck!

        • reply
          May 19, 2014 7:14 PM

          I like all of these suggestions.

        • reply
          May 19, 2014 7:47 PM

          Yep these are all good content pieces which is something I think the Shack has lacked.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 8:04 PM

        It would be nice to see some features on indie or oddball games that have picked up on the shack at one time or another like Crusader Kings or Chivalry. Also be great to see interviews with some of these devs or in depth looks at the studios and their history.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 2:41 PM

      This is great SEO

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      May 19, 2014 2:45 PM

      Wario is obviously Sandor Clegane.

      • reply
        May 19, 2014 3:12 PM

        Guess that makes Waluigi The Mountain.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 3:22 PM

      Are you restricting yourself to Nintendo-owned IP, or are you also branching off into Nintendo-console exclusives?

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 4:32 PM

      I laughed. Hooray for new stuff.

      • rms
        reply
        May 19, 2014 5:16 PM

        Ya I liked Toad! I know nothing about GoT though

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      May 19, 2014 4:58 PM

      Stuff that sucks: not having original content. Go for it S. Wong.

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      May 19, 2014 5:53 PM

      hah i get it TOAD because Tyrion is a midget and toad is short too!!!

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        May 19, 2014 8:12 PM

        Toads cutting sarcasm and wit knows no bounds.

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      May 19, 2014 5:59 PM

      What is this shit?!

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      May 19, 2014 7:39 PM

      Well, I liked it. Don't let the negativity get you down, guys. I give you props for creativity and effort even if the premise of this piece is rather absurd.

    • reply
      May 19, 2014 8:12 PM

      LoL at Toad

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      May 19, 2014 8:18 PM

      At least it's not copypasta news. I welcome our new content overlords.

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      May 20, 2014 12:09 AM

      This post amused me. Sorry to see so many people didn't like it. Sad to see it go so soon, but I'm sure you'll find something worthy to replace it!

    • reply
      May 20, 2014 3:34 PM

      Did BuzzFeed hack the Shack?