Crysis 3 trailer lusts after military hardware

Gosh, aren't guns cool! They're all sleek and shiny, and making loud noises when you kill things. So cool! A new Crysis 3 trailer is dedicated to its new 'Typhoon' super-mega-cool gun, which EA says is "the culmination of 2,000 years of human warfare" and "the purest form of expression." With such an erotic weapon, you could be forgiven for wanting to seductively run your tongue across the tips of its ten barrels.

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Gosh, aren't guns cool! They're all sleek and shiny, and make loud noises when you kill things. So cool! A new Crysis 3 trailer is dedicated to its new 'Typhoon' super-mega-cool gun, which EA says is "the culmination of 2,000 years of human warfare" and "the purest form of expression." With such an erotic weapon, you could be forgiven for wanting to seductively run your tongue across the tips of its ten barrels.

Yes, gun fetishisation is in full effect as Prophet mows down those naughty aliens. The action's in-engine and seems mostly to be using in-game assets, but it's a carefully orchestrated affair to show off one of 'The 7 Wonders of Crysis 3.' Be careful where you lick as the Typhoon can fire 500 rounds per second, but doesn't that just make your loins ache for it even more?

Crysis 3 comes to PC, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 on February 22, so you'll only have only 37 more restless nights wracked with longing dreams of that girthy, seductive beast of a gun.

From The Chatty

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    January 16, 2013 11:03 AM

    Alice O'Connor posted a new article, Crysis 3 trailer lusts after military hardware.

    Gosh, aren't guns cool! They're all sleek and shiny, and making loud noises when you kill things. So cool! A new Crysis 3 trailer is dedicated to its new 'Typhoon' super-mega-cool gun, which EA says is "the culmination of 2,000 years of human warfare" and "the purest form of expression." With such an erotic weapon, you could be forgiven for wanting to seductively run your tongue across the tips of its ten barrels.

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      January 16, 2013 11:05 AM

      You rule Alice. Just sayin.

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      January 16, 2013 11:07 AM

      Alice O'Connor: Best Shacknews employee since Chris Remo.

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        January 16, 2013 11:14 AM

        pfft way better than Chris.

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          January 16, 2013 11:44 AM

          Ok, let's get real here.

          No.

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            January 16, 2013 12:22 PM

            Pretty much. Remo is the Shack's high water mark.

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              January 16, 2013 12:28 PM

              Or, I don't know. Nick was brillo too. And only Faylor ever sang to me.

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                January 16, 2013 12:52 PM

                Chris is my favorite ever. I felt really bad when breckon died from lack of O2 in FTL.

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                January 16, 2013 1:16 PM

                Best Shack prank ever BTW.

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              January 16, 2013 3:32 PM

              It's no disrepect to your work, but Remo was really good and set the standard that Breckon, Faylor, and others have followed.

              Then Garnett showed up... oh.

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                January 16, 2013 11:46 PM

                garnett's not bad he's just kind of an establishment game journalist

                granted that's not to say chris et al. were disestablishment game journalists. they just sort of stood out there. outside the establishment. writing video game news and articles. and recording skype podcasts. that are apparently the shame of everyone involved since they are never mentioned.

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                  January 16, 2013 11:47 PM

                  (the podcasts I mean, not the articles.)

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            January 16, 2013 12:27 PM

            Only one of them can reach the top shelf. Advantage Alice.

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              January 16, 2013 12:33 PM

              Alice's top shelf has some assets that Remo will never have, nudge nudge wink #1reasonwhy wink. Advantage Alice.

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                January 16, 2013 12:47 PM

                She also has the legal name of Ayn Rand, which serves as a pleasant reminder whenever I read her posts.

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              January 16, 2013 12:45 PM

              She also bought me a drink once, so she's pretty close, yes.

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            January 16, 2013 11:55 PM

            I prefer Alice but that's mainly because in a fight, she'd kick my ass whereas poor Brian peppers I doubt would hurt me (he might bite?)

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        January 16, 2013 1:15 PM

        Certainly the most interesting! Her editorials are just as entertaining. My gaming tastes align more closely with Remo though methinks.

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          January 16, 2013 2:49 PM

          Psh, I don't write editorials.

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            January 16, 2013 4:21 PM

            You have, at the very least, had some good reviews. You had your GOTY picks too.

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      January 16, 2013 12:01 PM

      After watching that Dead Island cinematic trailer like 8 billion times, every time I hear "PEGI 18" I keep expecting the Dead Island music to start.

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      January 16, 2013 12:33 PM

      The collector's edition better come with replica Typhoon with a picture of a three titted alien on the side. Hear me brah?!

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      January 16, 2013 12:40 PM

      I did not have trouble masturbating to this.

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      January 16, 2013 1:04 PM

      It's like someone was really jazzed about the "Meet the Heavy" video, for entirely different reasons than most of us.

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      January 16, 2013 1:23 PM

      Do we now have to have a dose of wrist slapping with every story about games with guns? I feel bad now, Gosh!

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      January 16, 2013 2:54 PM

      My god that was awesome, my computer just shit it self.

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      January 16, 2013 4:03 PM

      Why wont this genre die off like Adventure games did so Adventure games can make a come back and fill the void left by the penis gun shooters.

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        January 16, 2013 4:46 PM

        But I like adventures AND shooty shooty! :(

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          January 16, 2013 5:47 PM

          You want the penis shooty shooty adventure genre i.e. Far Cry 3

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        January 16, 2013 11:21 PM

        *you have picked up a Book*
        *the socket under the lamp is Book-shaped. it has a curious pattern*
        USE BOOK
        *nothing happens*
        DROP BOOK
        *nothing happens*
        THROW BOOK
        *nothing happens*
        MOVE
        *you notice another book, similar to the first, on an adjacent bookshelf. this one is covered with dust and has strange markings on the front.*
        USE BOOK
        *nothing happens*
        FUCKKKKKKKKKK


        my experience with adventure games in the 1990's

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      January 16, 2013 4:53 PM

      1:05 - 1:30 shows off why I loved the movement in Crysis 2.

      Will play this game! eventually

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      January 16, 2013 5:12 PM

      500 rounds a second and it sounds only slightly faster than an MG42 firing at 1,200 rounds per minute. pre order cancelled.

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      January 16, 2013 11:16 PM

      Tip licking at its finest *snicker*

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      January 16, 2013 11:49 PM

      Damn, Halo is looking nice!

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      January 16, 2013 11:51 PM

      Pft. Women is just jealous the awesome gun is better than even the horneyest sexboob she could ever have.

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      April 11, 2013 6:07 AM

      Guys If you don't have it are still looking to try it out go to -> Mygame9.com , here you can download them from free.