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i was given the phone number of an old man that lives on several thousand acres out in the texas post oak savannah. apparently almost all of it is dense oak and brush so i'm expecting this http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/publications/pwdpubs/pwd_bn_w7000_0120/images/lrg_willow_water_oak_forest.jpg
i currently get my outdoorsy fix in the hill country (west texas) which is a rocky, cactus-filled, rock springs type of place. i adore it out there but this is a lot closer (2.5 hours) and is a potentially entirely new type of experience for me. so now you have the backstory!!
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I told him I had a couple of dogs and he interrupted to ask if they were hounds. I winced and told him they were pugs, and instantly got another "WHAT????" I said sir, they're pugs, so no, they wouldn't be able to run coons. He contemplated that for a moment and said "There's a boy, bout five miles yonder, been wanting at my coons for years now. Has a hound (he emphasized this), that's ornery and young but I reckon you'd tree enough for supper." He said we could bring a mess of them back, start a campfire, and enjoy them right there fresh. I've never hunted a raccoon in my life and have certainly never eaten one but I'm always intrigued by shit like that.
This is going to get way too long since I have only gone over the first five minutes of a two hour conversation so I'll summarize a bit. He told me there's not a human soul within ten miles of his place but that he does have running water and electricity. He's a widower, is crippled due to age, and his family has either died off or "just lost interest, I guess." He said he hasn't been able to plant food plots for the deer in years. I told him myself and some of my buddies would be happy to sow food plots for him. He said "Good backs on ya? You ever work in your life or do ya sit in an office?" I told him we all sat in offices, but would love the opportunity to do some work for him. He said "I've got a list of chores here that's older than you are and I haven't been able to do a lot of 'em for almost as long." I told him I didn't know anything about sowing seed, or ploughing, or tilling rows, and he interrupted with "You get offended when somebody tells you how to do something?" "No sir." "Well you'll be fine, then."
He asked if we liked squirrel, because he had "messes of 'em all over, more 'en you can eat." I told him I'd never had squirrel which he found to be exceptionally odd. "Fun huntin', lots of shooting, .22 is cheap and ain't nobody don't like squirrel on a spit unless they never tried it." He told me his land was going to waste and that he wanted to see feeders set up, blinds set up, and lanes chopped down between them. "It'd be your land to use without interference from me, not that I could interfere noways, just so long as ya help with some chores around here." He said he doesn't need and wouldn't accept money. He said he could barely lift a rifle these days, and as a result the hogs have gotten completely out of control. "Hundreds of 'em out there, plenty over 300 pounds, and I need 'em dead. Over 100 pounds, give 'em to the yotes, under 100 pounds, we'll bbq him that night. You ain't a Moslem, are ya?" I said no sir, I'm not a Muslim. "Good, cause they don't like dealing with swine, and I need a lot of swine dealt with."
For those not familiar, wild hogs are a major problem in Texas. You don't even need a hunting license to kill them. They're considered to be an invasive species and if they aren't culled will eventually run a place over. "They're smarter 'en a whip, lot more so than a deer, and I need 'em all dead. Wish I could do it myself, but I can't. You reckon you'd be all right with culling 'em out for me? Would take a lot of time in the woods but the yotes'd be happy."
Okay. This post will never end because I spoke to the guy for two hours and have endless quotes, but you fellers get the idea. Myself and a couple of buddies are heading out there on Saturday morning to meet him. He told me to bring all the friends I wanted, and if I wanted to bring a machete to start chopping down a few lanes for myself I could. He said the deer are so thick that he was watching a buck as we spoke on the phone but that they'd not been hunted in "far too long." I really, really enjoy putting on boots and being out in the middle of nowhere dragging shit through the woods for some reason I can't explain so I'm excited about this trip and the prospect. I'm hoping to come home sore and a little bloody on saturday night with my buddies. Too much time in the office and the city and suburbia is soul-sucking for me so I'd like to get out there and Pandora it up a little while. Pretent to be a na'vi. work the land, camp, kill hogs, take a deer or two every year, and i guess roast up some squirrel on a campfire (???).
crazy or crazy awesome???? i left out so much shit. :( does this sort of thing appeal to anybody here?
anybody who makes a banjo/hillbilly/squeal boy/deliverance joke is completely unoriginal and should kill themselves
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