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Thread Truncated. Click to see all 41 replies.
Over many a quaint and curious volume of Shacknews lore,
While I idled, plans unwrapping, Fandango stood there a'tapping,
"Alice in Wonderland" is happing, happing at the theater door,
"My wife's request," I muttered, "going to the theater door,
Only this and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remember the storybooks from ether
And the Disney animation wrought its memory to the fore.
Eagerly I grabbed my spinster, acting as an old film tipster
To reminder of the schedule upon the theater door -
For opening weekend only comes once for a movie at the theater door -
Only once and nevermore.
We agreed upon a midday departure in order to be certain,
Certain that we'd make it in time to the theater door.
My wife's a lumbering creature whose daudling bears repeating
As she paces back and forth in front of our apartment door,
She's late and pacing back and forth in front of our apartment door,
She's untimely and nothing more.
We traveled to the train most quickly even though the rain fell slickly,
The droplets glistening with oils fallen down with more,
And transfered to the bus a-waiting and travelled to the mall a-buzzing
Buzzing with anticipation waiting, waiting behind the theater door
But the tickets were sold out for our show, no tickets at the theater door,
Only later shows and nothing more.
Deep into that merchant peering, long I stood there pondering, leering,
Wondering how many theaters were playing host to this fair show,
But I grabbed two tickets to a later showing, having no way of knowing
What horror was a-waiting me behind that theater door,
But we got inline a-waiting before that theater door,
Merely this and nothing more.
We were tenth in line a-waiting for the theater door to open wide
As cleaning ended, the ushers quickly ushered us inside
And we got excellent seats in the middle of the theater's seats
And still no wonder about what horrors laid for us in store
As we sat in the pitch black waiting for the show behind the theater door
Anxious waiting and nothing more.
As the film began its screening, a cave troll with his teeth a-gleaming
Made a bee-line for the seating directly to my wife's starboard
He sat with quite a racket upon our jackets that she had set,
Had set upon the seat not more than a second before
So my wife did quickly move them out from under his aft sore
An inconvenience and nothing more.
Now an asshole sitting near you isn't enough to make me feel blue
But it was an omen of impending issues behind the theater door,
For as the plot was established he reached into his backpack
And brought forth offal the likes of which I'd never smelled before
Pickled Chinese food the likes of which I'd never smelled before
Vinegar and ass and nothing more.
The scent of his dining wafted as though it had been grafted
To the inside of my nostrils as I tired of the bore.
My wife, her entrails churning, fantasized about the burning
Of human flesh to distract her from the putrescent odor.
And so I wandered to the lobby to find the theater bobby
To end the issue behind the theater door.
But the manager I dealt with had no sense of smell to work with
And walked right by the connoisseur next to us on the floor
And so my wife decided that she might handle this nicely
And gently asked the man to close his food behind the theater door
But the asshole decided that this was his time to be a boor
Told her to go fuck herself and said nothing more.
This time my wife went to the bobby standing by the theater door
And dragged her to the man who was munching like he'd never eaten before
And his illicit foodstuffs became the topic of discussion
As he claimed that diabetes was the cause his poor
Decision to bring this smelly shit inside the theater door
His diet took priority, nothing more.
I'm all for eating healthily and managing blood sugar
As I've been down the route this gentleman claimed to be upon
But this lout forgot one basic rule before moving the theater door ajar
Shared spaces require people think of others 'hind the door
And diet's no excuse to break the rules, for they're there for
All the other people there, not just the boor.
And after his ejection we sat down to watch the film
The acting, pacing, everything, superb as was the score.
The film captured most everything to love about the books,
But there was one thing lacking that kept it from being more,
The plot was something that must have ended on the editor's floor,
It was nonsense and nothing more.
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