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Aardvark the Forgetful Editor

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  • You know, I agreed to this interview because, frankly, I'm tired of the uber-cannon getting all the attention. Honestly, he fires off like once every 5 minutes or more and yet HE'S the one getting all the credit. WTF?!

    Can't a simple button-triggered laser get a damn moment of respect? What? You wanna know what I do? Fine, I'll tell you what I do. I shoot crap. It blows up. Sometimes I shoot several times in less than a minute, sometimes I shoot random crap - usually when I'm operated by less-experienced pilots - but even then, I'm shooting WAY FRIGGIN' MORE THAN THE UBER-CANNON. Again, I ask you, WTF?

    Oh sure, everyone loves the shield generators, after all they keep the ship alive. Yeah, that's great...real sexy stuff. Big deal. The pilot never gets anywhere by sitting around stroking his force fields. But when you really need to get somewhere, who do they rely on? The damn laser beams, that's who. But nope, no respect, nothing, nada. All I ever hear about is "where are the laser upgrades?" Or "man, these lasers are way too friggin' wimpy." I'll tell ya what. I got yer "wimpy" right here, jack. Maybe next time you fire me, you'll hear a soft click, a woosh of air, and nothing but the sound of impending doom, closing in from the port bow.

    Because you know what, I'm taking the rest of the damn day off.