Thread Truncated. Click to see all 87 replies.

• Sounds like an asshole : extrahappyturtle
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  Are you physically close to him? Tell him to show you exactly what he means in person. : magistersmax
  • and then punch him in the balls : Juno
• Have him time it while you stand right next to him : pun][sher
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  Is he running this site in a live environment, or test? Sounds to me like he hasn't experienced the sl... : EvilDolemite
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    it's a live web application that's running on a production level server. : wtf242
    • did he actually benchmark the performance or did one of his stooge devs or admins "test" it out? after w... : EvilDolemite
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  Fight fire with fire. Ask him for usage reports, detailed logs of what browser is being used, what times... : filtersweep
  • ^^^ this is the proper response. you also need to document everything, emails and letters, no phone conv... : x4nth3
• Shoot him in the face with a BFG. : Rice-Rocketeer
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  also of course ruby uses the the vast majority of the resources on the server! the fucking web applicatio... : wtf242
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    yup it's clearly ahead of svchost and explorer in the process list!!! : EvilDolemite
    • its on a linux server... : Ace417
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  lol you delivered a product without being paid first you just can't make this shit up : haiku
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    the project was split up into 3 seperate payments. I've received the 1st and 2nd already. He still owes m... : wtf242
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      dude it would cost you a gallong of ice cream to get genjuro up there to fuck this guy up : filtersweep
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        holy shit I am drunker than I thought : filtersweep
        • hahaha : Sapiens
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        I am as prone to violence as I am to diabetes ::punches wall:: : genjuro
        • LOL. : ThomW
        • LOOOOOOOOOL : afrochops
    • Haiku is partially right in that you are still out the last payment. Would you be willing to accept him ... : jackalope
    • I beg to differ about your aptitude. Anyway, he shouldn't be getting anything until he is paid in full. T... : haiku
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      And post it in a live webcam on your blog. Really this is the only way to kill yourself. : IHATEDUST
      • thanks.avi? too soon?] : Gonzo
    • Take the site offline until he pays you. You've delivered a finished product without being paid for it. : breal0
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  Honestly, at this point I'd just list avg page load times and ask him if he has specific issues. : Conan
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    he is googling performance shit and asking me if i've done it. He sent me this list and added a TODO sayi... : wtf242
    • classic...since he hasn't paid the third installment he feels he owns you and can get you to sculpt the p... : EvilDolemite
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      what's the likelihood that he knows what those are? I mean, I'm sure you can cross off a bunch anyway. : Agrona
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        he is completely clueless. he doesn't know what any of it means. : wtf242
        • god, why are people like this? =\ : Agrona
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          "avoid redirects" as if you have anything to do with that : EvilDolemite
          • good tip about the 404s though : crummynz
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          Then tell him you've implemented everything on the list, then make up a few other things like reticulatin... : AgentPothead
          • IVE ADDED DONGS : heuristic
    • No, just fuck no. You need to stop this shit in its tracks before it just gets even worse. Take his shit ... : Visceral Monkey
    • lol, that's hilarious. Tell him you want your payment, now : moshman
    • Reply to him with this: 1. Find out what music your lover likes, and play it. 2. Sing to each other... : haiku
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      Honestly, at this point I'd remind him he's not an expert and there's a reason he's paying someone for it... : Conan
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        the other day I had to fix a timezone issue for his site. I told him it was a tough bug to fix. He replie... : wtf242
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          I feel for ya, I really do. But at least you know it's almost over. : Conan
          • See conan is probably just BSing you here. : haiku
        • Customers with just a little knowledge or the ability to google what they think are solutions are the wor... : Visceral Monkey
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        Wow. I just said "Honestly, at this point" two posts in a row. I suck. : Conan
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          And why do you even bother? Are all of your other posts complete bullshit or something and you're finally : haiku
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            Yeah, it's retarded. I sometimes fall into patterns of speech I don't even notice and most of the time th... : Conan
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              Most people do, I'm just being a dick. Have you ever considered how everyone acknowledges sneezes? There'... : haiku
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                bless you haiku : spaceless
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                  thanks : haiku
                  • Jeese what a waste of time! : AgentPothead
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                In my family, we always said "gesundheit". I said it to a coworker once when she sneezed, and she was lik... : Conan
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                  I've never met a person who had not heard of gesundheit, she was just an idiot. : sharpie
                  • South Texas, heavily hispanic population with their own figures of speech; she wasn't the only one there ... : Conan
                  • next time say "schönheit" instead : retardhumper
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                I said god bless you to someone who sneezed once, and he looked at me, sneered, and said "I don't believe... : sharpie
                • Satan bless you. : Githyanki
                • Oh, then you can go straight to hell. : c0bra
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                in Iceland people usually say "god help you" instead of "bless you" I usually reply "what can he do ab... : OrkO
                • bless you maybe? : dodob
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                I don't say bless you and I don't acknowledge bless yous. It's one of the few things I put my foot down o... : BlackCat9
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                  I just say 'The power of Christ compels you!' when people sneeze. : xsoulbrothax
                  • preferably while sprinkling some holy water around. : skizl
    • I think you need to fire this client, now. Did the original contract state payment was contingent on a... : zakk
    • Where the hell do you meet these people : genjuro
    • haha it's like a list straight out of a dummies book. : dodob
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      8. Minify JavaScript and CSS i wanted to make fun of the word minify but then i googled it and saw it... : captain hampton
      • I've even written a rails plugin that does it automatically for you: http://github.com/joevandyk/fixie_sh... : sumo-hacker
    • I'd bet you've done most, if not all of those things already. : sumo-hacker
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      This is straight from Yahoo (via the YSlow plugin for firefox): http://developer.yahoo.com/performance/ru... : malevolence
      • haha, excellent. he should mail that back to the guy : moshman
    • this is that dude you were saying who sued or got sued by one of his developers right? : hirosushima
• have you been paid? if so , no problems at all site works fine. : CoRDS
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  get a lawyer : d0pamine
  • ^^^ this. : zakazi
• are you using gzip, that will make those js files fly : filthysock
• Just blame shitty javascript engines and tell him to use Chrome : Beady
• I had a friend who had issues like this. They did all the work and the client wouldn't pay because he wa... : stelth
• once you're done with this client, post the link to his website : sikander
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  3 second pageloads in a site with no load without 300kb of output is a legitimate concern... : batkiwi
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    I'd actually agree here. : GreatGooglyMoogly
    • I would too, but with 242's disclaimer of the customer requested a "heavy JavaScript'd" site, I would hav... : Githyanki
• What the hell does difficult to navigate and difficult to load mean, anyway? And 99% of whose resources? ... : BlackCat9
• 3 seconds per page? Really? WTF. That's ass slow. : OMGzImBurning
• Come back with hard data. Show him how the server performs under load (average response, maximum response... : uncleanmonkey
• Do you drink more than usual when this happens? : dodob