Evening Reading

http://www.insanegamers.com/helpmegetlaid/

c'mon peeps help this poor bastard out

http://www.doomshack.com

And so ends The Gibson's dreams of starting his own GSI-style network.

Dear Abby,
Got a problem. IÂ’m a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner. ItÂ’s important that my family eat meat at least three times a week. But we just canÂ’t afford to with the prices the way they are. So I bring home some choice cuts from my autopsy subjects. Just mix in the Tuna HelperÂ…and ta-da!

The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious. They ask me what’s my secret. Abby, I think they’re getting suspicious. My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps asking, “Where’s all the meat? The red dye #2 kind that’s kept in the fridge.”

If they find out the truth I donÂ’t think theyÂ’ll understand. Abby, what do I tell my family?

DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the bodyÂ’s blessed and everything should be just fine

fatbeaner

hell ya

DK

Is this like gay joke night starring ease_one?

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: what the fuck's she doing out of the kitchen anyway


Q: What do you do when the dishwasher is broken?
A: slap the bitch


Thanks!

Chauvinist Pig

OI! Adserver is fucked up and it jumps me off the shack to a 404.....

boy it sure would be nice to see some USEFULL posts here.

The Windows Roadshow is going to be called the "Meet ME" tour.

my friend is going to be one of the..well...i guess one of the booth babes. though not technically a booth at all.

she had to ask my opinion about linux, and opinion about windows, i guess thats something they want to make sure they address in this campaign.

In the game The Sims can you make them have sex? I got the married and crap... but they won't do it!!! I want to watch them do the wacky monkey

One day Superman was flying though the air and was thinking, "Man I gotta get laid," he said to himself. Just then he saw Wonderwoman laying nude on the beach. So he thought up a plan. "I'll fly down there, fuck her real fast, fly away, and she'll never know what hit her," he said. So he flew down real fast, pumped a couple of times and flew off. Then she sat up and said, "What in the hell was that." Then the invisible man sat up and said, "I don't know but my ass sure hurts."

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. After getting his beer the man looks around the bar and notices a gorilla sitting on the floor in the middle of the bar.

The man asks the bartender, 'Hey bartender, what's that gorilla doing here'.

The bartender says, 'Oh that gorilla? Well I keep him around for party tricks when things get boring around here. Here, let me show you'.

The bartender walks to where the gorilla is sitting. He then unzips his fly, pulls his schlong out and then bashes the gorilla on the head with his fist. The gorilla then proceeds to give the bartender a vigorous blowjob.

When the bartender finishes, he zips himself up and walks back to the man.

The bartender says to the man, 'Well, what do you think about that? Do you wanna try it out?'

The man thinks for a while about this.

Finally, he agrees and says to the bartender, 'Sure I'll try it out. But don't hit me on the head so hard'.

A man was walking downtown one day when he decided he needed a beer, so he walked into the first bar he found. He got about 10 feet in the door when he realized that the bar was a gay bar. He contemplated leaving right then, but decided he really wanted that beer.

He walks up to the bartender and says "Bartender, get me a beer!"

"Sure, but first you have to tell me the name of your penis."

"What?!" exclaimed the man, suddenly embarassed.

"No name for your penis, no beer," replied the bartender.

So the man turns to the guy on his left and says "So, uhhh, what's the name of your penis?"

"Ford," replied the man.

"Why is that?"

"Tell me, have you driven a Ford lately?" the man said with a grin.

So the guy, clearly shaken with that response, turns to the guy on his right. "Right. So what do you call your penis?"

"Nike."

"Why Nike?" the man asked.

"Just do it."

The man thought for a while, then told the bartender "Bartender, the name of my penis is 'Secret', gimme my beer!"

The bartender started pouring the mans beer and asked "So why is it named 'Secret'?"

"Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."

100

Q: How do you know when a female bartender is mad at you ?
A:Their's a string hanging out of your bloody marry.

The OJ Trial As Told By Dr. Suess
I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.

Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not anytime.

Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove!
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free--Give back my glove!!

Four guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, they saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed. At this point, the other three said, "You know, that was the most touching thing I've ever seen." And the guy answers, "Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!"

A teenage girl walks into her house and her mother says, "Honey, there's rice in your hair! Have you been to a
wedding?" The girl says, "No, I was blowing a Chinese person and he threw up."

Q: How do you know a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: There's lipstick all over the cucumbers.

It was Sunday and God had finally finished creating the world. He stopped by Adam and Eve and said "Well, I have two
treats left in my creation book, the first is the ability to stand up and pee, who wants it?" Adam went nuts, he demanded that
God give him the ability to stand up and pee. God thought about it for a while and agreed to give Adam the ability to stand up
and pee, then he turned to Eve and said, "Sorry Eve, all I have left is multiple orgasms."

A woman's husband was watching a football game and she was bored. So she went outside and decided to pick up the trash
in the yard. After a while, the husband came outside and was watching her work when he said, "You know, your butt is
as big as that BBQ grill". She didn't say anything, she just kept working. That night he crawled into bed and she
turned her back to him. He asked her why she didn't want to have sex with him, and she said, "Why should I fire up this
big old BBQ grill for just one little weenie like that ?!?

A sailor has sex with a Hong Kong hooker and a week later he goes to a doctor because his penis has turned yellow, purple and green. The doctor takes a look and says, "Well, it's pretty bad. We'll have to amputate." "No way!", says the sailor. He runs out and thinks, "Hmm... Chinese girl - Chinese doctor."
So, he goes to Chinatown and finds a Chinese herbalist. The herbalist takes a look.

The sailor says, "Hey doc, the previous doctor said he'd have to amputate."

Chinese herbalist said, "Oh no. No need amputate. Two - three days - fall off all by itself!"

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb. When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they talked the dumber he got."

Q: Why do doctors spank babies when they are born?

A: To knock the dicks off the dumb ones.

In the game The Sims can you make them have sex? I got the married and crap... but they won't do it!!! I want to watch them do the wacky monkey

Go to sleep...before your car turns into a pumpkin!

¿?
www.enigmatic.cx

Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?

A: Cancer.

Two guys are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his dick. "I sure wish I could do that," said the one guy. To which the other replied,

"Don't you think you ought to pet him first??"

Q: What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?






A: You know she'll swallow!

A man goes into a greasy spoon restaurant and orders a bowl of chicken soup. "What's this?!?!?" he screams! "There's a pussy hair in my soup! I'm not payin' for it!" and he storms out... The waitress gets very upset at this and follows him out and sees him go to the whorehouse across the street. He pays the madam and retires to a room with a lovely blonde and goes down on her with gusto. The waitress bursts in and says, "You complain about a hair in your soup and then come over here and do THIS!???" the waitress yells. He lifts his head, turns to her and says, "Yeah!... and if I find a noodle in here, I ain't payin' for it EITHER!!!!!"

hmm hosting nearly 700KB/sec right now. How long til the U finds out how much bandwith I'm using......

What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?






Kids will eat snot

WTF. If I know my company is going to do good I can't buy stock? Gay.

Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.

The first blonde said, "I think theyÂ’re deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "I think theyÂ’re dog tracks!"
The third blonde said, "Well, I think theyÂ’re cow tracks!"
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Did you hear about the new paint color thatÂ’s coming out?
ItÂ’s called blonde. ItÂ’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.