Pandora's Tower finally feasting in North America on April 16

The trouble with dating simulators is that they're so unrealistic. Flowers, fragrances, whiskey and chocolates are awful gifts for one you want to stick it to. Now Pandora's Tower, that knows what to give: hunks of flesh torn from the still-twitching corpses of rare monsters. We can all pick up a few tips come April 16, as publisher Xseed announced today that's when the action-RPG's awfully late North American release will be.

Big Romance doesn't want you to know this secret, so developer Ganbarion has wrapped the truth up in an extravagant plot. A singer has been cursed and is transforming into a monster, and only delicious fresh monster flesh can cure her. So off you go to a series of mysterious towers to scale their heights and kill monsters, ultimately bringing back a tasty gift from the boss at the top.

The longer you take, the more monster your ladyfriend will become, so you'd best hurry. You can also talk and whatnot to strengthen your relationship (Big Romance wants you to think this works), and it'll all help you secure a lovely happy ending. But monster meat, that's the key to love.

Pandora's Tower launched in Japan in May 2011 then came to Europe in April 2012, but poor old North America has been stuck waiting. Still, it almost didn't come over at all.

Here's the European launch trailer from last year: