Oh hello there. I didn't see you come in. You've caught me just... never mind. How are you? How's your day? Well then. I can see in your eyes that you're curious about why exactly the kitchen is splattered with ichor. And don't think I don't spot you glancing at the twitching meat-ish hunk peeking out from beneath the tea towel. You're edging away but I honestly wouldn't recommend it. From your sudden pallor, I'd say you're probably concerned that I may have done something a bit silly. You really should sit down. Now. I'd take your coat but I... can't at the moment. It's best you not know. Cup of tea?
How about those Cod Blops, ay?