Morning Discussion

By Alice O'Connor, Jun 24, 2010 5:00am PDT I felt that BioWare might have made Kasumi Goto slightly too upbeat to fit in Mass Effect 2--not that I mind, she's lovely--but last night I started Dragon Age: Origins and good grief, now there's a relentlessly chipper take on the end of the world as we know it.

It reminds me of the great British art of pantomime, in many ways. When I accidentally attempt to seduce a guard, he literally flees. We can spot the secret villain the second he walks onto the sage, and hiss appropriately. At the end of a battle, my chums stand there absolutely drenched in blood and start joshing around with each other. We know those two characters fell in love the instant they met but we'll have to defeat the grand villain--who probably has a mildly racist name--before they realise it themselves.

I'm expecting that tonight I'll hear Morrigan taunt Alistair "He's behind yooouu!" but that daft Gray Warden will think she's up to her wacky tricks again and dutifully reply "Oh no he isn't!". At which point, the giant ogre we all knew was there but he just wouldn't believe us! will pick Alistair up, tear him in half and use his jellified legs to bludgeon the crowd from the Women's Institute to death as their horrified families look on. What a jolly jape.

Three seconds later, the ogre's dead and Alistair stands up again, quipping "Well you could have told me." How we'll chortle! If the crowd of refugee children fleeing the Darkspawn in the front row are extra-lucky, we'll shower them with fun-sized Milky Ways.

I wonder how long this atmosphere will keep up.

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