Evening Reading

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  Dogs are the fastest mammals on earth if the distance is over 3 miles, so it's no surprise they are super : Lunatic Angelic
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    Are there other terrestrial non-mammals which are faster at distances over 3 miles? : Vantage
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      birds, i assume : dirge23
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        You mean, such as Ostriches? ("terrestrial") : Vantage
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          i was reading "terrestrial" as opposed to "extraterrestrial" :( : dirge23
          • The sludge-bats of Malbresia VII are very fast : GloriousCow
    • Ostriches and emus, but even they peter out before dogs do. : Lunatic Angelic
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    Actually if you get to the long distances, humans beat all. Physically, all we really are is long distanc... : re-verse
    • especially when you take our vehicle-inventing abilities into account : dirge23
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      Is this a joke? : Lunatic Angelic
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        Science says no. http://discovermagazine.com/2006/may/tramps-like-us : re-verse
        • Man vs. Horse. Great idea, except let's see how well the humans do with some dude riding on their back a... : Vantage
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          That's not science, that's an obstacle course and against horses with humans on them. Humans cannot la : Lunatic Angelic
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            www.ultramarathonman.com : forgottenzero
            • http://www.shacknews.com/laryn.x?id=18145714#itemanchor_18145714 http://www.shacknews.com/laryn.x?id=181... : Kentor
            • That is ONE TENTH the distance dogs / wolves can do every day. : Lunatic Angelic
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            Humans can run down just about any kind of game. That and our intelligence are the only reason we were ev... : SpaecKow
            • A gazelle is not a dog. All these 100-150lb game animals are not built for endurance. The exact thing : Lunatic Angelic
      • tldr "Not only can humans outlast horses, but over long distances and under the right conditions, they ca... : re-verse
    • The article is discussing Alaskan huskies running the Iditarod. Wikipedia is telling me the Iditatrod is ... : Kentor
    • We're long-distance walking machines. Our four-legged friends are much more efficient runners than we. : Vantage
    • I doubt it, I've seen my dog going 40 mph for over two hours straight. Of course she was only 2 at the ti... : locater16
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      I think you're right, except I'd substitute "walking" machines : Megara9
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        again, from the article. "From our abundant sweat glands to our Achilles tendons, from our big knee jo... : re-verse
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          The article seems disingenuous. Just because we have adaptations specific to running, and just because t... : Vantage
          • Those sled-dogs do that run while pulling a sled through snow, I might add. Let's see the human even mat... : Vantage
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        We're designed to run down prey animals that are faster than we are in the sprint, but lack endurance. Ma... : Colleton
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          we were designed? : spaceless
          • Yes. We were designed and produced on an assembly line by Xenu. : Colleton
    • Persistance hunting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMrSMZ49Yjk : aeg1x
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  huskies are awesome : GloriousCow
  • i know :( : spaceless
• I read lickers. : spazzium
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  I want like 10 acres so I can have a bunch of big dogs or something because I just love them. : deject
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    wanna be roommates? : spaceless
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      if we hate eachother we can just live on opposite ends of the land : spaceless
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        what. are you gay? : deject
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          are you hitting on me? : spaceless
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            no I am not, are you? : deject
            • not really, we just have a mutual interest : spaceless
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  They have fast twitch muscle fibers. : Sailor of Fortune
  • sometimes theres this bird who flys up to my wall ac unit and flutters around and squeaks. : spaceless
  • Oops, I accidentally inf'd that! I suppose this is informative information. :| : CrustaR
• mmmmm congealed lard balls.... : retardhumper
• Hell yeah they are. I tried running with those dogs for about a half mile on the arctic ocean and they k... : bashildy@speakeasy.net

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  I'M TROMBLYJ AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : trOmblyj
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    I'M SOLSTICE AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : Solstice
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      I'm Demius and I dont have a cool O in my name to turn blue ; ; : Demius
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        I'm Spartacus : Flynn
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          No, I'm Spartacus! : GrimmyD
          • I am Spartacus and so's my wife! : Caoster007
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      I'M YOSEMITECLIMBER AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : yosemiteclimber
      • I'M MMMMMOO AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : Mmmmmoo
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        I'M RIDE-MY-ROCKET AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : Ride-My-Rocket
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          I'M SOMEWAYNE AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : someWayne
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            I'M DOPEMAN AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE. : dopeman
            • I'M SMOX AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE : smax
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            I'M GODZILLY AND CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME. : GodZilly
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              poor}p : moshman
              • lol : moshman
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                ^^^ THIS GUY IS A FAGGOT AND I DISAPPROVE OF HIS MESSAGE. : Ride-My-Rocket
                • I AM VOODOORAZE AND I LIKE BOOBS : voodooraze
• MOAR! : Sailor of Fortune
• god i hate those high-waisted dresses : biskits
• she's hot but her smile is creepin me out. : Joseph
• her mouth reminds me of a squig. :-\ : braaains
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  MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASSMATE : lolpatrol
  • FUCK ME SHE\'S FROM GLASTONBURY? I had no idea CT had bitches that hot. : voodooraze
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  http://forum.valinor.com.br/picture.php?albumid=221&pictureid=1714 : dirge23
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    Wow you people are just too damn willing to find fault. : Fred Garvin
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      i'm sure she's hot, but that is not the best picture of her. it's a big phoney baloney smile and that's a... : dirge23
      • aren't big phoney baloney smiles what the US is all about? : moshman
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  gross : spaceless
  • no u : xsoulbrothax
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6yil-I66Pc : Malku
• Joker teeth : baconisgod
• she could make a great harley quinn with a mouth like that. : grabbie
• i love those loose hippy titties : askedrelic
• funbags are fun : mmogger
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  Those eyes are amazing. : freshyk
  • A girl w/ amazing eyes like that can not be resisted... : ImageOmega
• wow my jaw dropped when i saw ir : hobosapien
• TEETH TO GUM RATIO APPROACHING UNSATISFACTORY LEVELS. : DrWaffles
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  she is as weird looking as she is hot, this is almost confusing so i'm going to just stare at her tits : qwpeoriu
  • haha, this is exactly what i did. : reverend~heresy
• nope =/ : Thisispol
• Please tell me she likes Obama. Wearing blue is a good start. : Mad Brahmin Disease
• more like hte boobie girl from boobopolis : papaskot
• I remember her from Entourage... : Valiant

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  Sunglasses : Sailor of Fortune
  • YEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! : pyide
  • It would be criminal to let that prize go...^^^^ (then) | ... : drbriefs
• I'll reward too! : varsindarkin
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  You've just opened Pandora's box my friend. : Koral06
  • the laughs are worth it, haha. : varsindarkin
• JizzCumFaggot Lite : SockMonkeh
• Heroin Smack Crime Rapist Simulator Deluxe Pro : Ride-My-Rocket
• GLaDOS? : pigvomit
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  panhandler2k9? : .Jayson
  • OK that was wrong... real response is: ServiceDB : .Jayson
• WOPR : kallanta
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  Vision. I've always liked this name for an office suite type product with multiple uses because really, ... : IndigoAK
  • every comany i worked for has a program called vision. fuck it. : rigg5kthx
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  Client Organization Control Kit ...then after its adopted people will just abbreviate it : ninjase
  • Subversive Genious :D I like it :D :D :D : Solstice
  • If this program is half as useful as he hopes it is, everyone will love it! : pigvomit
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  Parolee Information Management Program (PIMP) : ejectorpod
  • hahah. : edgewise
• I've always liked Harborage. : jingletard
• H-HAL (Halfway-House Algorithmic Log) : Albemuth
• Cached Utility Network Torrent : pigvomit
• Arbeit Macht Frei : Colleton
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  That's not at all what I expected from the domain csi-online.org. : Blake Ellison
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    They should call the program CARUSO. : pigvomit
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      CSI Assistant: Resident Usage Services Organizer : SwiftyPants
      • MAKE THIS HAPPEN : rosewood
      • ^^^ winner. Do it! : timmie
      • ahaha... : Colleton
      • do this! : deject
      • Throwing in another vote for this. : Lone Swordsman
• TokenBlackDudes : pauk111
• unicorn city : spaceless
• In-N-Out, : radicus
• No doubt, you shall call it: Horatio. : Bamii
• ClientKeeper : noodleboy723
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  Sincerely Helpful Office Distribution Authentication Network : GrimmyD
  • nice. : varsindarkin
• Shit Ass Pet Fuckers : DrWaffles
• archival database delivery interface computer to improve office needs And don't capitalize it... : bashildy@speakeasy.net
• cuntabulator : CoRDS
• Half-Life : Vangoghs Ear
• Bubbles : extrahappyturtle
• Shawshank D-baser : drbriefs
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  The CRM114 Discriminator : dmason
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    I don't think very many people will get this dmason. : deject
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      have you ever seen a Commie drink a glass of water? : Marauder IIC
      • Vodka...that's what they drink : Fox n Panther
• Cuckoo's nest : ryuuseki
• Hobotron 3000 : Home Nugget
• Vagabond : SolrFlare
• ClientStorage : Mad Brahmin Disease
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  BrothaTracka : reelbk
  • :( : creep
• TrackMarks : changejar419
• Lambda : Lukiopimp

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  Make sure you can speak jive. Otherwise a part might fly over your head. : xsoulbrothax
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    cold got to be : mindshot
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      Shiiiiiit : wanker67
      • Golly! : nurglich
  • June Cleaver speaks jive. : bombay
• Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes. : ]pm[chem
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  It is hilarious. Also, remember to watch it from a late 70's early 80's viewpoint. I find the comedic t... : pigvomit
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    i heard a new one is coming out spoofing Micheal Moore flicks : Slowtreme
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      Yeah, it's out already I think. Definitely a renter from the looks of it. : pigvomit
      • they all are... from the looks, but the fun is in watching them. : Slowtreme
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  Surely you can't be serious? : phate81
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    i'm always serious and don't call me Surely : Dschinghis Khan
    • Shirley : re4ctor
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  Are you well-versed in gladiator movies? : Sze Ior
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    You ever seen a grown man naked? : cjcharv
    • Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison? : wanker67
• I love throwing this in every once and a while. I'll always catch a joke I didn't catch before. The movie... : uglysad
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  It was on HBO Family the other day and totally awesome. : sgtsanity
  • Wait, what? : rosewood
• Ah, I wish I could watch it again for the first time. : dmason
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  Roger Roger what's your vector Victor? : ninjase
  • what's our clearance, Clarence? : Joseph
• has anyone watched it with the director's commentary? if not, you have to. it's hilarious. basically it's... : mindmann
• http://www.shacknews.com/laryn.x?id=18082906#itemanchor_18082906 : manero
• I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines : veras
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  You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospi... : riptyde
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    That may be my favorite joke in the whole movie. : nurglich
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      All those "What is it?" jokes have always been my favorites. : Mad Brahmin Disease
      • Nervous? Yes. First time? No, I've been nervous lots of times. : handofthrawn
• i can't believe you've waited this long to watch it...what's wrong with you!? : Flynn
• Do you like movies about Gladiators? funniest movie EVAR Have you ever seen a grown man naked? : diniboo
• So much funny in that movie. :) : ShoCon
• Where's the update you jerk? : Hello Kitty
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  Good luck. We're all counting on you : CoRDS
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    Good luck. We're all counting on you. : ShoCon
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      Good luck. We're all counting on you. : sanchez
      • I guess I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue. : cerealSAM2
• What a pisser. : rosewood
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  One of the first video tape movies I saw. it was on Beta! I love that movie. : hirez
  • Why was it that all the good commedys were on Betamax? Airplane! Spaceballs. Something else with boobies... : rosewood
• Get me Rex Kramer! : shavenewok
• Damn, you are in for the mother of parody movies. Have fun! : Mad Brahmin Disease
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  Striker! Striker! [Then somebody punches a woman] : Optimus Prime
  • God I never understood that one until now. : Mad Brahmin Disease
• i don't know which is my fav 80's movie this or Caddyshack : shavenewok
• You never get over Macho Grande...... : -efx-
• we had to read a play in school that the story was based off of. the teacher couldnt figure out why 3-4 o... : cap n KRUNCH
• "Start from the beginning..." "Well, First the Earth cooled... and then the Dinosaurs were born..." : .Jayson
• "Our only hope is to build this man up. We gotta give him all the confidence we can. Striker, have you e... : Omaha

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  maybe they found a better channel : spaceless
  • hahaha, ain't that the truth. : ShoCon
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  well on the bright side, at least we havent pissed anyone off enough to the point that they got motivated... : smacknca
  • The only rational explanation is that we clearly have nothing that they want. : the grammar police
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  No, because at the same time how long would it take us to receive a response? : Pacalon
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    uh, 30 years out to them, 30 years back to us, 60 years : filthysock
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      radio waves move at the speed of light? Or sound? Or does sound move at the speed of light in a vacuum? : jake
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        i can't tell if this is a troll, or if you are actually this dumb. it is a mystery. : Caoster007
        • hahaha : papaskot
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        radio waves = light, you can't see them. all light travels the same speed in a vacuum. sound=matter (... : the grammar police
        • Well, radio and visible light both = electromagnetic waves is the more correct statement. : TabsAZ
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  ...60 years ago..39 light years..hint hint : Visceral Monkey
  • 30 not 39 : Visceral Monkey
• Maybe they don't care. : skitzo
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  generally tv and radio transmitters aren't pointed up . : CoRDS
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    but the radio waves do radiate out? : filthysock
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      Some stations have larger, more powerful antennae thus increaing the range. Radio/TV waves actually bounc... : yosemiteclimber
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        The Arecibo radio telescope should be able to communicate with a copy of itself at a distance of tens of ... : bostrov
        • if it's pointed in exactly the right place, at exactly the right time, listening to the right frequency, ... : the grammar police
    • AM supposedly cannot pierce the ionosphere. FM and TV can, although the signals are would be very diffuse... : Colleton
• Every intelligent life form has already been taken over by their own robots, and those robots don't care.... : pigvomit
• Didn't they just come out with a theory that radio waves don't reach beyond our solar system or galaxy ?? : JT
• I don't know. How well does RF transmit into space, and how far does it reach? : dopeman
• The Earth wouldn't have become an exceptionally bright radio object until the 1960s or so, and use of rad... : bostrov
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  Maybe they don't want to fuck with us because a vast majority of people would have their beliefs shaken a... : mnsnota
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    I bet they are still looking at our naked titties. : rosewood
    • Even if all humans ever contribute to the universe is titties then we will not have existed in vain. : Colleton
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      On the flipside, would you watch alien porn? : mnsnota
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        Do they have titties? : Colleton
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          idk, yeah sure. : mnsnota
          • Well, there ya go. Bring on the alien titty porn. : Colleton
      • no. just ones with terradactyls. : j0nchan
      • I'd watch Twi'lek porn. : Izanaki
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  We're the most advanced race in the galaxy. It will be our right, our Manifest Destiny 2.0, to bring our ... : Sailor of Fortune
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    Green Planet's Burden? : skinlab133
    • um, I meant Blue Planet : skinlab133
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  Maybe they have sense enough to not call attention to themselves. Maybe they are lying out in the tall gr... : Colleton
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    Maybe they are too busy leveling their Death Knight's on their beta accounts. : Nighteyes
    • You never know. Maybe they found a way to upload their consciousness to computers, and are whiling awa... : Colleton
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  probably not. but, since 60 years it but a blip in the time of the cosmos, whats more likely is that if t... : hirez
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    Or it could be against their prime directive to make contact with a species before it is sufficiently adv... : semaphore
    • Elietest motherfuckers. : rosewood
• -They might not detect/recognize our signal -They might have sent a response that we haven't detected/re... : semaphore
• If we had our current detecting equipment at that distance we would not be able to detect those signals. : aeg1x
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  Arthur C. Clarke had a really interesting notion that even if there is life within reach, there's such a ... : lyme
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    existence and time are depressing. i was depressed after watching the end of AI. : j0nchan
    • depressing space science: https://www.technologyreview.com/Infotech/20569/page1/ http://www.nytimes.com... : 60days
• Have you tried Vega? : rosewood
• Those signals are very weak. With the biggest radio telescope on earth, they wouldn't even hear signals o... : xxx2xxx
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  Let's just hope the aliens from Omicron Persei 8 aren't watching. : ShoCon
  • They're big Firefly fans and we just fucked ourselves. Thanks again FOX! : DarkWolf5
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  I remember calling my ex in high school every day for about 3 months after the break-up. She never respo... : prokat
  • You have to wait 60 years for the round-trip light time. : bostrov
• No. The signal would be so weak that it'd be extremely difficult to detect. That's actually one of the bi... : terath
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  You assume they still even use radio signals and would pick them up. : Evil Benius
  • This is also a good point. If they were way more advanced then us, maybe there's only enthusiasts and con... : SilverSnake
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  Can we safely assume there is no advanced life within a 30 year light year radius from our position? S... : SilverSnake
  • Or maybe their giant invasion fleet is on the way! : Evil Benius
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  They can't afford to respond right now because the Zarflax Industrial Average is below fourteen gazooks : Omaha
  • http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF051-Zarflax.jpg : gooblerampling
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  I dont believe in God but I believe in Aliens. : chuck577
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    what's the difference between the two? : MagicWishMonkey
    • One is at least theoretically falsifiable. : gooblerampling
    • One is white and the other is green. : chuck577
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  you know, I love that scientists think this is our best bet for finding life, but what good would radio w... : flagg209
  • Radio waves are EM radiation, not sound. Any kind of data could be transmitted. : gooblerampling