Contest: Write Our R-Type Command Review

You know, I agreed to this interview because, frankly, I'm tired of the uber-cannon getting all the attention. Honestly, he fires off like once every 5 minutes or more and yet HE'S the one getting all the credit. WTF?!

Can't a simple button-triggered laser get a damn moment of respect? What? You wanna know what I do? Fine, I'll tell you what I do. I shoot crap. It blows up. Sometimes I shoot several times in less than a minute, sometimes I shoot random crap - usually when I'm operated by less-experienced pilots - but even then, I'm shooting WAY FRIGGIN' MORE THAN THE UBER-CANNON. Again, I ask you, WTF?

Oh sure, everyone loves the shield generators, after all they keep the ship alive. Yeah, that's great...real sexy stuff. Big deal. The pilot never gets anywhere by sitting around stroking his force fields. But when you really need to get somewhere, who do they rely on? The damn laser beams, that's who. But nope, no respect, nothing, nada. All I ever hear about is "where are the laser upgrades?" Or "man, these lasers are way too friggin' wimpy." I'll tell ya what. I got yer "wimpy" right here, jack. Maybe next time you fire me, you'll hear a soft click, a woosh of air, and nothing but the sound of impending doom, closing in from the port bow.

Because you know what, I'm taking the rest of the damn day off.

In reply, as a special character...

From the persepective of Heavy Weapons Guy from Team Fortress 2. You really have to have played the game to get what he is trying to say.

Every day there is new girly tactics gaming for PSP. Move little mans across little square. But square is not square! Is hexagon. I move my ship close to other stupid ships and choose big gun. But every ship is five! Is confusing game. So anyway I choose big gun and scene plays where stupid other ships go kaboom. This make me very happy for second.

I like ships move fast and other ships don't take hour to move their STUPID moves. But doesn't matter, is game for BABIES! Is full of space singing play stuff! I'm sure ships have many girly Japanese type men inside who makeup their faces and wear long pink hair. I would want to kill them long if I didn't know my ships weren't full of them.

Played the demo. I though it was horrible. This is my first paragraph.

This is my second paragraph, gimme the phat loot because the previous R-Type games were awesome!

8-)

I'm a pixel. You may know me from...oh, I don't know...EVERY GAME EVER.

Usually with sh'mups, I have to constantly handle costume changes, going from red during one sixtieth of a second to black to green to whatever other color is required of me. When I'm appearing on an LCD-based system like the PSP, it's a lot more work for me to change because I"m not just relying on light beams to illuminate me, I have to change three separate subpixels just to turn on. It's a tiring job.

I guess that's why I like R-Type Command on the PSP. Because it's a turn-based strategy sh'mup instead of a standard sh'mup, whoever is actually playing the game has more time to think and plan out his attack, and the more time he spends thinking, the more time I can relax without having to go through another costume change.

The only real downside is when I happen to be next to one of the blinking selection cursors, in which case I'm having to constantly change, and it's even worse when the player sets his PSP down so he can run to the restroom because I end up having to constantly change for 20-30 minutes while I wait for his stupid ass to get back and pick a different square! Not that I'm bitter.

I would really love to write a review here, but.... I have no PSP. Or PS3.

From the perspective of Gordon Freeman:

_____ __, __ _ ____ ___ __! ____ ____ _ __ ___ _____ _____ ___, __ _____ ______, ___ ___ __ _ _ ___ __ ____ __. ____ _____ ___ _ ____ ___ _ ___ ___ _____, ___ __ ___ _____ ___ ___ ____ __. ___ _____ _ __, _____ _ _____, _ __ ______ ___ __ ___ __? ____ _____ __ ____ ___ _ ____ ___ __, _____ _____ ______. _____ ___ ___ __ ___ ___ __ _ .... __ ___ __ ___ ___ __.

____ __ __ _____, __ ____ ___ __ ___: _____ __, ____ _ _ ____, ___ ____ __ ____. ____ ____ ______ ____ __ _____ __, _______ __ _ ________ _____ _____ ____. ___ ___ __ _ ____ --____ ____ __ _ __ --____ __ _____ _ _, ______ _____ __ __ __. __ ___ _ __ _ _____ ____; ____ _ __ _ __ _ ___, __ __ ___. _____ __ _ __ _ _____ ____ __ _ ___ ____ _______, __ _ __ ____ __ _____ __, ____ __ _ ___!

I don't own a PSP.

I have to say, I really love the Shack crest. It's totally awesome.

Mashed potatoes, gravy, and CRANBERRY SAUCE..WOHOOOO!!!

Who won the GTA PS3 contest? Not me. :-(

Haha, this is a fantastic contest.

Can I download the game to my PSP sans PS3?